Poetry

My whys


I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I joined WW (formerly Weight Watchers) mid-September this year. I have a laundry list (Why “laundry”? Wouldn’t “shopping” make more sense? I think so, too). Correction, shopping list of whys. Not the least of which is Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, a rare disorder of the ankle, similar to Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Here’s the complete list:
Family – I have two adult children (32 & 25), three grandchildren (4,3, & 1), and a nearly 10 year old on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum and who experiences ADHD.

Physical Health – Fibromyalgia, Hypothyroidism, Type 2 Diabetes, Sleep Apnea, High Cholesterol, and Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome.

Mental Health – Bipolar 2 Disorder, PTSD, Depression, Binge Eating Disorder.

Because I’m worthy of self-love and self-care.

I’ve spent nearly five years of hard work to reach this point. I had been a toxic person in a toxic relationship. I had severely broken relationships with my two adult children. I was so overwhelmed and depressed I was barely functional. I was so consumed with self-loathing that I hid from the world, making myself sicker and sicker, consuming all the food and media I could numb out on.

Now, I’m working on staying centered in the here and now, continuing to heal, grow, and build relationships with my children, engaging with the world and people around me, and learning how to treat myself with the care, compassion, and love I have and want to have for each person I encounter.

It’s past time for me to become the best version of myself.

This is the 3rd post of 30 for

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NanoPoblano – November 2018 Daily Blog Challenge

🤔 You’ve probably noticed, or maybe not, how dormant my blog has been for a long while. Periodically, I try to jumpstart my writing by doing a daily blog post challenge. This is another such effort.

The past few times I started a challenge, I haven’t been able to do the full month before…life. My hope and my plan is to incorporate my life into this month’s effort.

By that I mean I’m going to bring y’all up to speed with the things that have been going on in my life this year, especially the past couple of months:

• Parenting
• Autism
• ADHD
• Bipolar 2 disorder
• PTSD
• WW (formerly Weight Watchers)
• Binge Eating Disorder & Compulsive Eating

are among the things I’ll write about. There may even be a haiku or two and other poetry tossed into the mix.

Welcome and thanks for joining me on this journey.

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Writing Prompt: lettrs – What if you could suddenly hear the thoughts of others?

Hearing Thoughts

Upon awaking, all seemed well.
Until entering the kitchen, then I could tell.
The tension seemed to swell.

I heard his voice, clear as day
With tone, forlorn, “I just want to stay.”
“What do you mean? What did you say?”

“Nothing. I didn’t say a word.”
He threw a quick prayer to the Lord
“How do I tell her, I’ve been transferred?”

“Transferred?!?!” I exclaimed.
Both our confusion reigned.
The atmosphere was strained.

He to me, “How did you know?”
Me to him, “When do you go?”
Our moods suddenly laid low.

“I heard you say it, loud and clear.”
I stated, with a little fear.
He stood, and started to come near.

He thought to himself, “This is surreal!”
“What?” I asked, my confusion sealed.
Neither of us knew how to feel.

“I’m not speaking,” he explained.
“So, I’m hearing your thoughts,” I exclaimed.
“It seems so,” said he, looking pained.

What a conundrum, what a farce.
Knowing more, left insight sparse.
Such a surprise left me flat on my arse.

I don’t want to know his thoughts.
Hearing it all, ties me up in knots.
All his privacy has been lost.

Knowing too much, isn’t good.
Shifts the balance, it would.
Expect freedom of thought, we should.

I don’t need it, I don’t want it.
It actually caused our split.
It was a blow to his spirit.

Now, I live like a recluse.
Socialization I refuse.
Family and friends are confused.

It’s inexplicable,
Completely untenable,
Hard to be amenable.

I just want to flee!
Lord, take this from me!
This is my daily plea.

Writing Prompt: Predictive Text Poem

One of my fellow #PoetsOfInstagram issued the challenge to use only predictive text to write something. I was quite surprised this came out of it. It’s like a reminder to myself.

One-sided Conversation

Do you want us both in the way we are? I just don’t think I can understand how you can do this. Yes, I know that you’re going through a lot. Yes, I’m sorry about the last time we were there. Yes, I know you have a good feeling about your life. I just don’t want to be with you.

Writing Prompt: August Scrawls Day 11

My brain is spinning
Calculating the angles
Avoiding changes

Evading the work
To grow spiritually
Requires great effort

Difficult changes
Mental and emotional
Feed spiritual

Fill and grow the soul
Awakened from dormancy
I’m becoming me

Writing Prompt: August Scrawls Day 7

Letting Go

Thoughts of you won’t go away
Feelings won’t be annulled
My heart’s freedom, obliterated
None of this in my control

I judged myself insensate
My obsession as obtuse
My desire for you puerile
My hope, confusing to deduce

Now I understand the truth
There’s neither fault or blame
I know it was a fantasy
Though I’ll never be the same

It will take as long as it will take
For my heart to heal and grow
I must now forgive us both
If ever I’m to let you go

Writing Prompt:

August Scrawls – annul

IG: hopelessperriott

Writing Prompt: August Scrawls Day 6

New Growth

One by one, like clearcut trees

My defenses crashed down

Leaving me on my knees

The Rowan, my self-expression

The Oak, my stability

The Alder, my strength and passion

The Holly, my objectivity

The Ivy, my determination

The Hazel, my creativity

Upended and torn asunder

All seemed broken and felled

Weighted, and buried under

All sense of self dispelled

Despairing and depressed

Yet, an essence upheld

My defenses, my trees

Turned and pointed

A protective abatis

Caged and kept safe

Against advancing dangers

My heart, a waif

Wandering without a home

I ran from place to place

I continued to roam

‘Til I stopped running

And faced my destruction

Confronting my cunning

I could not heal

I could not grow

I could not feel

Now, new seeds are planted

New roots have grown

A new peace has been granted

I am made anew

By my Lord and Savior

Through no one but You

Writing Prompt:

August Scrawls – abatis