UBC 4/20 Day 12: Nailed it

Another restless and sleep deprived night. So tired.

Being this tired eats away at the creative process and dulls the mind. I really have no clue what to write about, because my brain is so foggy. So, I guess you will learn of the new skill I’ve been teaching myself during this period of enforced isolation. Painting my own nails.

Sounds a bit silly and frivolous, I know. But, it’s something that has been giving me a minor creative outlet, engaging my brain in a new activity, and giving me at least a small sense of accomplishment. Why painting my nails and not some other, useful, edifying thing, such as learning a new language or reading, or doing more writing? Well, because, sleep deprivation. I’m too tired to really engage my brain in those ways. I’m too distractible and I can doze off mid-word…whether I’m writing or reading. If I’m reading, that means I’ll reread the same sentence multiple times and I lose the thread of what I’m supposed to be understanding or learning. If I’m writing, it disrupts my thoughts and disconnects the ideas. Sometimes, I’ll even type out some kind of gobbledygook and have to backtrack in order to figure out what I was trying to say.

Neither one of these options are helpful. Both leave me feeling frustrated and angry with myself. Since I have a goal to be gentler with and more satisfied with myself, I’ve decided to do something else with the massive amounts of otherwise unoccupied time and the short attention span.

I’ve had the lifelong, nervous habit of chewing my nails. It’s gotten a lot better over the past several years as I’ve gone through my healing and recovery process. I’ve reached the point where I don’t chew them every day. So, they actually get a chance to grow to a little past my fingertips. It would be great to have nails. However, they grow out super thin and sharp. Then they get brittle and easy to break. When that happens, it’s uncomfortable for them to be unevenly long. That’s when the chewing comes back and the portion of all the nails that have grown out get chewed off again.

This time was different, though. First, the sheltering in order from the government. Second, the environment where I’m sheltered in at. Things are crowded and chaotic in my home. However, I’m not there. I was spending time with friends when the orders came down. My pregnant daughter and her three littles, along with their father were in my apartment. I didn’t want to chance affecting them if I somehow had contracted the virus. Then, there’s the fact that the women I’m staying with both fall into the vulnerable category and if they needed help I would be here for them. It’s a much more stable and calm environment here.

When I realized my nails were at that length again, I really wanted to see if I could preserve them. So, on one of my friend’s essential trips to the store, I accompanied her and grabbed myself some nail polish and supplies.

Trial and error have resulted in some fairly decent results. It takes me a long time to achieve the final results, because I have to use so many layers of polish to actually fortify and strengthen the nails. Then, I have to let each layer dry fully. I’ve gotten impatient a few times and the results were more fail than nail. So, I had to start over. But, I’m getting the hang of it now.

Here are my first three efforts:
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1) Pink holographic
2) Purple Holographic
3) Dark purple French tip
4) Purple French tip with sparkles





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Red with Gold sparkles





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Sparkly Holographic Blue French tip




I know it’s silly, but, I’m feeling quite proud of myself. I hope I can keep them up when I start working again.

What’s something you feel good about yourself for doing?


Oh Happy Days

On the 4th of July, we didn’t have any plans or people to celebrate the holiday with, and honestly I was fine with that. So, I let Luna wake up at her leisure, gave her a nice healthy breakfast of yogurt and fruit, and got to the park a little after 1 pm.  It had not occurred to me that there would be other people, families, and groups utilizing the public park, and there were a fair amount of people, especially kids, actively having fun and enjoying themselves.  So, while I hung out on benches and talked with other parents, Luna ran, jumped, slid, crawled, chased, climbed, screamed, and laughed her little heart out.  There was an outdoor event happening at the other end of the park, with live “edutainment” that one couple invited us to attend because a relative would be singing.  We wandered down to that end and I danced a little bit with Luna and let her wander around a bit and meet other people.  After being at the park for three hours, we were both getting tired and hungry and we walked past the water fountain and through the rose gardens to wait for the bus to take us home.

The next day I promised Luna that I would pick her up from school early and take her to the park.  However, Marco called and I suddenly remembered that two weeks prior, we had planned that on Thursdays I would get Luna out to his side of town so she could get to know other members of his future in-laws and have some hanging with her bro time. So we finalized those arrangements, although that hadn’t been the point of his call.  He had actually called to let me know that he’d experienced a defining and healing moment during the fireworks celebration at the beach the night before.  Knowing that he’s healing and growing and having him call me just to share that healing and growth are such gifts to me and I cherish each time it happens, because it lets me know there’s still hope for the growth and healing in our relationship with each other.

When I picked Luna up, she was happy and excited, chattering away.  We got outside to the bus bench and she said she wanted to go to the park.  Without even thinking about what I had told her on the way to school, I said, “No, we’re going to go meet brother and you’re going to hang out with him.  You’re going to have fun, trust me.”  Her response? “I don’t want to trust you, mom.”  Ouch, but funny. Got her to meet up with her brother, then I met up with LaLa and we had a pretty mellow time together that went by all too soon and it was time for me to get Luna. We finally made it home shortly after 9:30 pm.  She’d refused to eat while there (she was too busy playing with their little girl who is going to be a co-flower girl) she was hungry and because of how warm it had gotten we were both in need of showers. It was close to midnight before she finally got to sleep.

The next day, when I got her to school, she was very tired and on the sensitive edge, and we found out her main teacher was out sick.  So, I explained that she was possibly overtired and might have a difficult time.  I left instructions for them to call me and I could pick her up if it became a problem.  An hour later I got the call.  She’d started crying and hadn’t stopped.  When I arrived 20 minutes later she was subdued, but got very excited and happy to see me.

Another bright and beautiful day that I refused to spend cooped up in our cave of an apartment and she was happy to go anywhere but home.  We walked to the local library, ate the fruit, veggies and nutrition bars I’d packed that morning, then walked back to the big park that has lots of wonderful features.  We met lots of dogs and their humans and she tried to pet every one.  She ran, played, climbed, slid, and then started following and interacting with the other kids who were splashing and staying cool in the water park area. LaLa met up with us and helped me get Luna and all our stuff home, because I was shuffling and barely moving again.  But, I’m so glad I made the effort to do these things with Luna.

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