Recovery

Writing Prompt: lettrs – Dear Self

Dear Self,
Being bipolar, depressed, and anxious, means feeling insane, sometimes acting the same. The thing is, you’re not crazy or lazy, you’re amazing!

You are neurodiverse, your brain is structured differently. You think differently, experience the world differently, and process those experiences differently. Your capacities, abilities, skills, and talents are different than those with neurotypical brains, not affected by chronic trauma.

That doesn’t make you bad or wrong and it doesn’t mean you have to change the things which make you, you, in order to conform.

Yes, medication may be useful, but, it isn’t a cure, because a cure isn’t needed. Think of it as the difference between “breaking” a horse and developing a relationship of trust while training the horse.

Stop fighting to conform and force your brain to be something it’s not, not allowing it to do what it’s built for, and hobbling it’s ability to move and flow.

Think of the medication as the tack – the bridle and reigns to direct, the saddle to stabilize, and the stirrups for holding more balance and control. When you lose your grip, slip, and fall, it may take a little bit of work and time, but keep getting back in the saddle and, each time, you’ll stay on and ride, going further and lasting longer.

The world needs you to be you, not a copy or imitation of anyone else. Otherwise, God would have created you to be them and not you.

Remember, you’re the only one capable of being you and you’re pretty special.

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Writing Prompt: Opinion

Heart vs Mind

When the mind blinds itself to the heart, there is spiritual stagnation. When the heart rules the mind, there is spiritual regression. Only by working together can spiritual progression be achieved.

This is when the fruit of the spirit can manifest:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith,”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

Writing Prompt: August Scrawls Day 11

My brain is spinning
Calculating the angles
Avoiding changes

Evading the work
To grow spiritually
Requires great effort

Difficult changes
Mental and emotional
Feed spiritual

Fill and grow the soul
Awakened from dormancy
I’m becoming me

Writing Prompt: August Scrawls Day 7

Letting Go

Thoughts of you won’t go away
Feelings won’t be annulled
My heart’s freedom, obliterated
None of this in my control

I judged myself insensate
My obsession as obtuse
My desire for you puerile
My hope, confusing to deduce

Now I understand the truth
There’s neither fault or blame
I know it was a fantasy
Though I’ll never be the same

It will take as long as it will take
For my heart to heal and grow
I must now forgive us both
If ever I’m to let you go

Writing Prompt:

August Scrawls – annul

IG: hopelessperriott

Writing Prompt: August Scrawls Day 6

New Growth

One by one, like clearcut trees

My defenses crashed down

Leaving me on my knees

The Rowan, my self-expression

The Oak, my stability

The Alder, my strength and passion

The Holly, my objectivity

The Ivy, my determination

The Hazel, my creativity

Upended and torn asunder

All seemed broken and felled

Weighted, and buried under

All sense of self dispelled

Despairing and depressed

Yet, an essence upheld

My defenses, my trees

Turned and pointed

A protective abatis

Caged and kept safe

Against advancing dangers

My heart, a waif

Wandering without a home

I ran from place to place

I continued to roam

‘Til I stopped running

And faced my destruction

Confronting my cunning

I could not heal

I could not grow

I could not feel

Now, new seeds are planted

New roots have grown

A new peace has been granted

I am made anew

By my Lord and Savior

Through no one but You

Writing Prompt:

August Scrawls – abatis

Writing Prompt: August Scrawls Day 4

You captured my attention.
You stopped my heart.
You put my mind under arrest.
You consumed my emotions.

Then, you walked away, leaving the cage open.

Still, I remain your prisoner.

August Scrawls Day 4 Word: Arrest

Crazy

You’re not crazy. You’re pain is not a pathology. Your pain makes sense…You’re a human being with unmet needs.
Now This Op-Ed video about depression

Crazy.

“She’s just crazy. I’m done.”

“That’s just crazy talk.”

“How crazy is that?”

“What are you, crazy?”

Crazy.

How often do we throw that word around? We use it as a throwaway label for people and situations we don’t have the time, energy, or inclination to try and understand. It’s mostly a word which people who consider themselves as “normal” use to explain away and dismiss the abnormal.

Guess what? It’s ableism.

What is Ableism? According to The Urban Dictionary, “Ableism is the discrimination or prejudice against people who have disabilities. Ableism can take the form of ideas and assumptions, stereotypes, attitudes and practices, physical barriers in the environment, or larger scale oppression. It is oftentimes unintentional and most people are completely unaware of the impact of their words or actions.”

This definition isn’t only about physical disabilities, it also counts for those experiencing mental health issues due to atypical brain structure and neurochemistry.

Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD
Anxiety disorders
Addiction
Compulsive Behavior disorders
ADHD
Asperger’s
Autism Spectrum Disorder (high functioning)

These are but a few examples of things which people with non-neurotypical brains and brain chemistry experience.

Crazy

It is a word which holds a strong stigma. The thought of being “crazy” often causes people not to seek help for symptoms and behaviors which make them feel mentally and emotionally out of control. They don’t want to be labeled as “crazy.” WE don’t want to be labeled and dismissed as being “crazy.” We don’t want to be treated as defective or dismissed because having atypical brains makes us “less than.”

I say “WE” because I have a Bipolar brain which has been affected by ongoing and varied trauma experiences. Four and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Type 2, and PTSD. Around the same time, my youngest child was educationally identified as having “High Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder.” Recently she received the official diagnosis of Autism AND ADHD.

These things cause us to think, react, and act differently than those who have neurotypical brains. We aren’t “crazy,” we aren’t disabled. We are neurodiverse and differently abled.

The thing about the word, “crazy” is that it’s such an inherent part of our American vernacular that even those of us who have been affected and marginalized by the term frequently use it ourselves.

I’m not going to “go off the deep end” (another phrase often used instead of “crazy”) and call out everyone, every time I hear the word used. However, I will start with myself and maybe those closest to me. I haven’t figured out what to say instead, but, I’m working on it. I’ll keep you posted.

Maybe you’ll think about it the next time you hear or use the word.

In case you’re wondering, the August Scrawls Day 3 word is “atypical.”