CoDA

Calling All Authors

Author Interview Questions and Submission Process.

In December 2012 I had the privilege to do Author Interviews with three newly published friends and blogging acquaintances of mine. I found that it was something I really enjoyed and was an opportunity for me to introduce new blogs, new books, and new writers to my readers here.  So, I have decided to make it a regular feature. How regular a feature will depend on how many authors decide to let me interview them.

If you, or anyone you know, is a published author (self or otherwise), with a personal tale of growth, healing, and recovery that you are willing to share, please click the link above or share the link. I would love to hear from you or them and work together to put together a quality interview to be featured here on Human In Recovery.

Blessings,

Kina

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Renewed Resolution: My Recovery Plan in 2013

Happy New Year everyone. I hope everyone brought in the new year in safety. Mine was fairly quiet and uneventful. I watched a couple of episodes of Doctor Who and caught up on Suits

I was also very frustrated and overwhelmed that Luna absolutely would not leave “her” cat alone. I am powerless over this little girl and cannot get her to understand that just because he’s her cat, that does not mean she can treat him like he’s a stuffed animal. I’m also upset because I’m powerless over the fact this animal doesn’t seem to believe the litter box is for more than urination. It doesn’t help that we weren’t able to get the medical waivers signed, so the cats are here illegally and we’ll get an eviction notice if and when we get caught with them here.

Once again, my codependency caused me to go against what I know should be done and instead allow my need to appease and cater to others, Keith (formerly known as Jerry) and LaLa, to take over.

So, I act in a codependent manner, increasing resentment and frustration levels and set myself up to be anxious and stressed. This exacerbates the depression & fibromyalgia symptoms of pain, headaches, fatigue, and insomnia and I continue in a cycle of irritable non-productivity, overeating, and escaping into the television or internet.

Time to revisit Step 1 again.

I admit I am powerless over others – my life is unmanageable.

My intention this month is to move beyond the surface admission and to actually work the step. So, I’m going to use the worksheet for Step One found at the 12Step.org website.

Have you seriously damaged your relationships with other people because of your addictive behaviors? If so, list the relationships and how you damaged them.

Let’s not pull any punches, shall we? I think the easier question is, are there any relationships that have not been damaged by my codependency? I’ve bailed on friendships and potential friendships. My two adult children were made to feel unimportant and unloved. Somehow I never take care of myself and my relationship with my God is virtually non-existent.

I shared a saying that perfectly describes a lot of my relationships the other day:

As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everybody is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I have made some progress, but I still find myself trying to control the outcome and making my decisions and choices based on what I think the approval ratings of other people will be.

If other people have told you how you how your have hurt them, then write down what they said

My son is getting married next Saturday. We’ve worked through some of the surface layers of our problems, but he really has zero interest in working through issues he has with Keith. We were initially only invited to the wedding because he wants his youngest sister included in the ceremony.

A couple of weeks ago I discovered he was planning for me to sit at the head table with his in-laws and his adopted family. However, Keith would be seated elsewhere. Instead of waiting to discuss it with my son, I unwisely told his fiancé to seat me with Keith, to try to keep the peace. It backfired and basically he told me if I chose not to sit at the head table I would be choosing Keith over him again and throwing away the progress we’ve made. Last year he told me I treated him like a distant younger brother rather than my son.

When my daughter told me she would be looking at getting adopted by a friend of mine, she explained to me she was doing it because she needed to feel unconditionally loved and accepted and that she was somebody’s priority, because she had never felt that from me.

The fact is that as much as it is my job to teach Luna and guide her in the appropriate and humane way to treat animals, she is an autonomous being. I can give her consequences, but I can’t control her. The cat is almost 13 years old and is used to the outdoors, his choices of where to defecate are beyond my control. Since I opted to let him be brought to live with us, I get to live with the consequences until we figure something else out.

My son gets to decide when, or if, he will ever resolve his issues with Keith. It is his wedding, so we don’t have right to dictate seating arrangements. I also did tell Keith the situation and we are working through it. I agonized, but faced it head on and let him feel his feelings about it. I have been facing things with LaLa and our relationship has become more mutually open, accepting, and encouraging.

It’s complicated and the only one whose thoughts or actions I have a right to control are mine. Right now, most of the time, those are on autopilot and out my immediate control.

So, yeah, working through this powerless thing this month, ODAT – One Day at a Time is pretty critical right now.


GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living ONE DAY AT A TIME, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will…

Sometimes you just need to…

Scream….AAAARRRRRRGH!!!!

It has been a very full day, emotionally and psychologically speaking.  Actually, I guess the past couple of days have been that way for me.  Wrestling and coming to terms with the knowledge that sex/love addiction has been at the root and foundation of the majority of the relationships in my life, as a child and as an adult.  Figuring out that the emotional disconnect between me, myself & I as well as between us and all others is part of the sla known as Emotional Anorexia, all while navigating the minefield of personal relationships with my adult children and the father of my toddler, has got me very wound up and wiped out.

So, I guess it’s back to Step 1 for me – admitting powerlessness over:

Compulsive Overeating (coe)

Codependency

Depression

my family members

Love/relationship addiction &

Sexual/Social/Emotional Anorexia

my life is unmanageable.

I’m so very grateful that I am integrating with Step 2 on a regular basis, because I am believing more and more that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

Now, to implement Step 3 and follow through on making the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him.  Lord help me to do this.

Currently, I’m going through this process without a sponsor or active recovery partners.  However, through online meetings and resources I’m starting to reach out and connect with others in the recovery journey.  Through this blog, I’ve been connecting to others as well, and getting to see that recovery is not only possible, but attainable.  Through it all I’m learning that what I have been told is true – I am not abandoned, forsaken, or condemned (these lies I’ve believed as truth), I am loved.

A willful decision

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

Psalms 142:1-7
142:1 I cried unto the LORD with my voice; with my voice unto the LORD did I make my supplication.
142:2 I poured out my complaint before him; I shewed before him my trouble.
142:3 When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me.
142:4 I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.
142:5 I cried unto thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living.
142:6 Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low: deliver me from my persecutors; for they are stronger than I.
142:7 Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.

http://www.12step.org/references/the-bible/scriptures-for-step-3.html

I’ve been here before: the place where I’ve admitted my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life and circumstances, as well as the place where I have defined and come to believe in a Higher Power.  Then I’ve glossed over and paid lip service to the third step: making the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand God.  I have proven that progress in recovery stalls and even regresses, unless there is true surrender.

I really don’t want to go back there.

As a co-dependent, compulsive overeater who has struggled with depression the entirety of my adult life, it is absolutely imperative that I continually work the first three steps.  Without doing this, I quickly slide back into obsessive thinking, isolation, immobilization and the emotional morass of shame, bitterness, resentment, and guilt.  These are my persecutors; my own thoughts and emotions. I wind up living in a prison of my own construction, “my spirit overwhelmed within me.”

I’ve had a really great week, not because my circumstances have changed, because they haven’t.  The people in my life haven’t changed either.  Neither have I been completely successful in eating abstinently.  So, what changed? Me and the choices I have made each morning to read through a step and supportive scripture, followed by writing in this journal and including a prayer of admission and surrender.

I can cry and pour out my complaints – my fears, my worries, my frustrations, my resentments, my hurts, and my anger – to my Higher Power.  HP knows my path.  HP is my refuge.  HP is stronger than these enemies inside of myself. HP brings my soul out of prison, encompasses me with what’s righteous, and “deals bountifully with me.”

Today I know that I am powerless to control my thoughts, emotions, eating, other people or my circumstances.  I am not able to manage my life by myself.  I believe that there is a loving and compassionate Higher Power who is stronger and more capable than I to navigate, manage, and control my life.  I am willing to surrender my will and my life to God and I ask for God’s help in surrendering.