I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted much of anything. Life and depression have shut down the part of my brain that has writing ideas and the will to write anyway.
I suspect, or believe, that the meds “stabilizing” the bipolar disorder have something to do with dampening the writing spark. The last time I did any “real” writing was when I was in a manic episode, back in March/April. I was in limerence and completely obsessed over an absolutely inappropriate guy…to be honest, he’s still in my brain, just nowhere near as much.
For those of you wondering, limerence looks an awful lot like a crush or infatuation and feels like the initial throes of excitement one feels when first falling in love. It isn’t either of those things. It’s obsession, pure and simple. It’s also not always about love and romance. Fortunately, I was able to recognize it and acknowledge it for what it was, even though I had little to no power to stop it. I even wrote the following:
This Isn’t Love
Longing for your glance, your touch.
I can’t stop thinking about you.
My mind is not my own
Resistance is useless.
Excited and breathless
Can you feel it, too?
Eventually, this, too, shall pass.
1. the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.
It didn’t end well.
My writing was prolific during those few weeks. Since then, the urge/desire/need to write has disappeared. For the most part.
Last month, I planned to get back to blogging. So, I signed up for The Ultimate Blog Challenge…then didn’t write a word for the blog. Actually, that’s not true. I started to write a post about ableism and the use of the word “crazy.” It’s in the Drafts folder.
Finally, on Sunday, I decided I needed to start small and use a social writing app, lettrs, and the prompts the admins and members offer, to get writing again. Here are the results of the past four days of prompts I’ve responded to:
Skylark Challenge 149:
Image + four words: pernicious, illuminating, children, malevolent.
The pernicious presence of the alien craft, illuminated the children, who stood frozen and fearful in the malevolent atmosphere.
Skylark Challenge 150:
Image + four words: flowing, timeless, fierce, enigma.
Writing Prompt: Thankful
To those who have supported me with love and kindness
How can only mere words express
Appreciation for your devotion and acceptance of my mess
Never treating me or my experiences as less
Knowing my heart and not judging what I confess
Friends and family do nothing but bless
Understanding my pressures and stress
Love deep and lasting given without duress
And finally, today’s prompt:
Nostalgia for What Never Was
Sitting beside you as you leaned next to me, we gazed over the bridge’s wall to watch the traffic flow below.
We searched for the odd or unusual: out of state license plates, bumper stickers, classic cars, variant paint jobs, and anything that made the vehicle unique.
You would ask me questions: Who is in this car or that one? Are they coming or going? Why are they driving from there to here or here to there? Who are the people inside? Families? Businessmen? Women on errands or on their way to work to support their families?
We would spin tales and weave stories with one another…each one more elaborate and descriptive than the last.
You midwifed my lifelong curiosity about the nature and character of my fellow humans. You taught me how to expand my imagination and to use even the most mundane of things as a source of inspiration. You instilled in me a profound love of words and language. You gave me the foundation for my writing today.
Thank you, daddy. Thank you for being you and helping me to be me.
The Lifelong Orphan
What helps you write when you’re experiencing writer’s block?