When life goes awry: It’s ok to not be ok

Last Friday was one of those days where the first domino got knocked down and the remainder of the day’s plans and goals crashed one by one.

I’m sure you’ve experienced something like that at one time or another. If you haven’t, best be prepared because you will.

My daughter had a MAJOR meltdown that morning – it got physically violent (she’s on the Autism Spectrum) and she wound up not going to school.

That meant I couldn’t go to the gym or pool. There’s no space or place in my tiny, overcrowded apartment for me to do anything, including stretching. It’s THAT crowded and cluttered.

I was frustrated and irritable at this disruption in the new routine of self-care by exercise. I didn’t take it out on my daughter, but I was experiencing a significant amount of resentment.

Parenting a child with special needs is HARD and I NEED the stress release of the exercise.

When there is a spike in stress hormones coursing through my body, especially in combination with other hormonal changes, a fibroflare is likely to occur.

“What’s that?” you may be asking.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 28 years ago. Symptoms include persistent, fatigue and increased pain response to anything and everything. During my most intense episodes, just running a finger across my skin feels like a razor blade.

So, I’m struggling against the fatigue to still make exercise a priority. Each day I exercise, the fatigue makes me feel like I’m moving through molasses once the exercise is done. I feel completely drained. It doesn’t help that I also happen to be an insomniac.

There are days when I fight to get the kid to school and to bed, go to the gym or pool, and, maybe, wash dishes. The rest of the time I’m sitting and dozing off.

I’m trading the energy from other things so I can exercise. But, the exercise is what helps me mentally get through the day.

In the past, I criticized myself for not getting more done, or anything done for that matter. I couldn’t let myself be okay with not being okay.

This process is showing me that I can be.

7 comments

  1. I have chronic fatigue syndrome, which is said to be a sister to fibromyalgia, so I understand being suddenly & unexpectedly sidelined. In fact, today, I am not going to be able to do something I had planned to do because of it. I am trying to learn, too, that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay. When my son was younger, I thought of him as “spirited” and “high needs” and I did attachment parenting, which was sometimes difficult. Anyway, it sounds like that was a really tough day and would have been for everyone. That’s another thing I sometimes tell myself – that it’s normal to feel the way I do – and I believe what you were feeling is normal, too. ❤

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  2. If you really need to workout and you cannot get out, have you thought about just doing squats?If you have room to stand up and basically squat down, you can get in a good workout, get your heart pumping, build up a sweat, and get that workout done!

    Give it a try!

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