Accepting good enough is way better than living bitter. ~ Human In Recovery
As I have gotten older, I’ve become more worn, more jaded, more resigned, and more fatalistic. It’s really not fun living inside this brain, most of the time.
I’ve battled various forms and levels of depression since adolescence. Four years ago, I finally got the accurate diagnoses of Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. Depression isn’t and never has been a choice and the negative mindset is a symptom, not a cause.
That being said, being successful in regaining my physical health requires that I do everything in my power to combat the depression and the default mindset.
I’m coming to understand that the beginning of doing that is acceptance. I have to accept that what is, is. I have to let go of the fatalism which is rooted in my past failures. I have to accept that I am where I’m at. I have to let go of the self-flagellation of self-recrimination because of all the things I did which led to this state of poor health I’m in.
I have to accept where I’m at in the here and now. I have to let go of the judgment which is tied to having my identity wrapped up in all that is “wrong with me.”
My body is fat. I am not my body. It is one aspect of my being, but, it is not the definition of me.
My brain has been affected and altered by trauma. It contains the neurochemistry and has the structure which is the foundation of Bipolar Disorder. I am not my brain. I am not defined by it’s structure, it’s neurochemistry, or how it has been affected by past trauma. Again, it is part of me, but, it is not who I am.
I have defined myself by these things for far too long. Consequently, I have criticized and judged myself harshly. The reality is that the behaviors rooted in the Bipolar Disorder and the PTSD created the condition my physical body is in. Despite conventional wisdom, for the most part, those behaviors were not choices that I made…especially prior to diagnosis and treatment.
Now, it is time to accept that who I am is good enough. Because who I am is a loving, caring, intuitive, empathic human being, created and loved by the King of the Universe. I am a mother. I am a grandmother. I am a friend. I am a writer. I am a thinker.
I make mistakes, but I am not a mistake.
I am me.
I am good enough.