2018 Health Journey: My Why

Why is this year different? Why am I succeeding in living healthy this year? Lots of reasons – 6 to be exact: my three children and three grandchildren.

My cholesterol screening showed 240 w/almost no good and way too much bad. I need to reverse that.

I’m probably going to lose health coverage this year and likely won’t qualify again, due to all my preexisting conditions. (Thank you Trump & the GOP.) If that happens, all the medication I’m on for the hypothyroidism, diabetes, bipolar, and ptsd will go away. So, nutrition and activity are beyond critical at this point.

Barriers and challenges are mental/emotional, physical, and circumstantial. PTSD and Bipolar Depression, combined with binge eating disorder, and food addiction are overwhelming things to cope with, especially with the circumstantial stressors: • single parenting a child on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum, who isn’t progressing in school and is becoming increasingly more violent towards me;

• $352 in SNAP benefits/mo to feed her the specific foods she’ll eat AND overhaul my eating;

• $0 to pay for any support programs like WW, training, programs, or apps;

• shopping using public transportation;

• tiny, galley kitchen w/very little storage and not all the equipment/tools for prep & storage – mostly storage.

Mentally, even though I know it’s the wrong mindset, I feel urgently compelled to do all the things, immediately. There’s an all or nothing kind of compulsion and a fear of failure (fear of success?) anxiety humming underneath the surface.

I don’t want to hate my body. I don’t want to loathe myself. I don’t want to be alone, but, I don’t want anyone to see my body without clothes. I know I shouldn’t be defined by my body, the things wrong with it, my health, and my life, but that’s where I’m at.

I don’t want to live like this anymore.

That’s my why.


  1. Hi Lillian! I’m on a health & lifestyle change as well, I’m looking for like minded ladies to follow so we can help support each other 🙂 check out my blog if you’re looking for support!


  2. Hi Lilian!

    You go, girl! It is indeed an honest, raw post! Well done for speaking out about a few things that are quite hard to talk about. You can do it! I wish you have a wonderful time of self-discovery and remember that self-care and self-love should never be neglected.

    I am starting a weight loss challenge on Saturday, and would love to have someone with your determination to join us. I’ve posted the info in my today’s post.

    All the best!


    Liked by 1 person

  3. Such an honest and beautifully written post. Weight loss is on my 2018 plan as well. Good thing there are lots of great recipes online. You can do it! Happy new year!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Such an honest and inspiring post. I can see how determined you are and I know you can do this. Good luck. Make 2018 your year!

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  5. Congrats to you and you will succeed in and overcome all of your obstacles. (For what is life w/out obstacles to overcome?) I hope that 2018 is prepared for the new you. I hope that all of your steps be lead and full of purpose. Be encouraged. You got this. 😉

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  6. Congrats! I applaud you for your determination and dedication as you go on your journey! You can do it! Just take it at your own pace! DON”T try to do it all at once – that could lead to more frustrations.

    I look forward to being here with you are you do this!

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