Why is this year different? Why am I succeeding in living healthy this year? Lots of reasons – 6 to be exact: my three children and three grandchildren.
My cholesterol screening showed 240 w/almost no good and way too much bad. I need to reverse that.
I’m probably going to lose health coverage this year and likely won’t qualify again, due to all my preexisting conditions. (Thank you Trump & the GOP.) If that happens, all the medication I’m on for the hypothyroidism, diabetes, bipolar, and ptsd will go away. So, nutrition and activity are beyond critical at this point.
Barriers and challenges are mental/emotional, physical, and circumstantial. PTSD and Bipolar Depression, combined with binge eating disorder, and food addiction are overwhelming things to cope with, especially with the circumstantial stressors: • single parenting a child on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum, who isn’t progressing in school and is becoming increasingly more violent towards me;
• $352 in SNAP benefits/mo to feed her the specific foods she’ll eat AND overhaul my eating;
• $0 to pay for any support programs like WW, training, programs, or apps;
• shopping using public transportation;
• tiny, galley kitchen w/very little storage and not all the equipment/tools for prep & storage – mostly storage.
Mentally, even though I know it’s the wrong mindset, I feel urgently compelled to do all the things, immediately. There’s an all or nothing kind of compulsion and a fear of failure (fear of success?) anxiety humming underneath the surface.
I don’t want to hate my body. I don’t want to loathe myself. I don’t want to be alone, but, I don’t want anyone to see my body without clothes. I know I shouldn’t be defined by my body, the things wrong with it, my health, and my life, but that’s where I’m at.
I don’t want to live like this anymore.
That’s my why.