2014 – And so it begins. What to expect from Human In Recovery

A request was made this morning that I stop writing about a specific individual in my blog. I have agreed to do so. This presents a bit of a quandry for me, since blogging my way through my healing and recovery process has been my pathway to growing and healing enough to be able to make the choices to take care of me and set up boundaries, which led to the request in the first place.

Over the past few weeks, as I have been navigating the outcome of the decision I made on December 8, 2013, I have been reminded on many occasions that I’m not responsible for the other person’s feelings and that I need to start focusing on myself and my healing and growth.

It’s hard.

It’s hard to be in a position and a situation I have created and contributed to, where I am making the concious decision to get healthy for my sake and the sake of our daughter, and to continually be told I’m being selfish, that I’m pathetic, and to grow up because I’ve set boundaries I am not compromising on.

It’s hard to have my little girl tell me she misses someone and that she wants us all to be together and the only thing I can say is, “I know you do. You are missed too. You will be together on the weekend,” while wondering if she’s hearing the same descriptions of me as I am hearing about myself.

It’s hard still having an emotional and mental attachment to someone in so much pain that all that person can do is lash out in hurtful ways.

It requires every bit of effort to not go back to where this woman has continually gone before.

So, what does that mean for this blog?

I am planning on continuing with the Bloggers for Peace movement, hosted by Kozo at Everyday Gurus. I’m also going to continue to blog regarding mental health issues as part of Blog for Mental Health 2014, hosted by Ruby Tuesday at A Canvas of the Minds.

I don’t know what else or how often I’ll be posting, as I figure out my next steps. In the meantime, I’m going to be doing the personal work of recovery and healing in offline forums. If I am able to do so without breaking my agreement, I will share some of what I’m learning and growing in from these other processes.

One thing which is officially changed, is that thanks to the very controversial Affordable Care Act, I now have state sponsored medical coverage and can access medical, dental, vision, and mental health services for myself and not just piggyback on services connected to Luna. As I pursue physical as well as emotional/mental health, I may wind up reviving my Experiments in Health and Wellness blog, linking those posts to this blog.

I have a grandchild due in April, so, if there is reconciliation and restoration in the relationship between myself and LaLa, my granddaughter may be added to the list of Important People in My Life.

I’ve started learning to knit and crochet. I have a very ambitious project in mind, but I’m not going to talk about it now. I’ve also discovered a knack and an interest in creating original digital art, which led to this resource List of Free and open source digital art software tools. More posts relating to my Creative Endeavors could happen.

Basically, what you see and when you see it will be as much of a surprise to me as it will be for you. For those who have travelled any part of this journey with me over the past couple of year, Thank YOU for your comments, support, and encouragement. You have blessed me beyond measure. For those who are just joining me for this leg, Welcome! I appreciate the company.

Blessings,

Kina

Advertisements

10 comments

  1. Writing helped me so much…it really did. It WAS my lifeline, and I had to write about the experience in order to heal; however, I can also see ‘someone’ else’s point of view…one thing I did – even through I was laying it out bare was I used an alias…this way NO ONE would know ME or who I was talking about and yet I was still able to use the writing as a tool for healing and sharing as well as validate others. Given some things are obvious now, it wouldn’t go over incognito here but if you ever did need to – use an alias, disclose it’s an alias so no one thinks you are trying to pull a fast one and get your healing on!

    Like

    1. Betty,
      Thank you for sharing. Kina is my psuedonym and it was my intent to keep it private when I started the blog a little over two years ago. As time has progressed and I have begun integrating the different aspects of my healing journey and opening up the closed system I’ve helped to create, the anonymity of my psuedonym has shifted quite a bit, so that I’m pretty much only anonymous to those not already known to me. Which is actually not a bad thing.

      I’m learning boundaries for myself and how to respect and honor boundaries of others. I need to focus on “my side of the street” as they say in recovery circles and part of recovery from codependency is letting go of my need to tell other people’s stories and manage how they are perceived by those around me.

      So, this is a constructive and healthy evolution, for me. It might not work for others, which is fine, it doesn’t have to.

      Thanks again for being part of my journey and process.

      Blessings,
      Kina

      Like

  2. Yay! Health insurance! This will be huge for you, Kina. (Have you officially switched over to your “real” name?) Try not to let the stuff out of your control get you down. ((Hugs))

    Like

    1. Hi Mary,
      Happy New Year!
      No, I think I’m going to hang onto Kina for awhile.

      I’m in the process of programming alerts & reminders to contact the Health Share Oregon folks tomorrow to select my plans and choose a PCP. I think it’s a good sign that the only one who showed up on my initial search through the provider directory is prominently linked with Fibromyalgia treatment. Fingers crossed.

      Blessings,
      Kina

      Like

Your feedback, thoughts, and input are appreciated.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s