A request was made this morning that I stop writing about a specific individual in my blog. I have agreed to do so. This presents a bit of a quandry for me, since blogging my way through my healing and recovery process has been my pathway to growing and healing enough to be able to make the choices to take care of me and set up boundaries, which led to the request in the first place.
Over the past few weeks, as I have been navigating the outcome of the decision I made on December 8, 2013, I have been reminded on many occasions that I’m not responsible for the other person’s feelings and that I need to start focusing on myself and my healing and growth.
It’s hard to be in a position and a situation I have created and contributed to, where I am making the concious decision to get healthy for my sake and the sake of our daughter, and to continually be told I’m being selfish, that I’m pathetic, and to grow up because I’ve set boundaries I am not compromising on.
It’s hard to have my little girl tell me she misses someone and that she wants us all to be together and the only thing I can say is, “I know you do. You are missed too. You will be together on the weekend,” while wondering if she’s hearing the same descriptions of me as I am hearing about myself.
It’s hard still having an emotional and mental attachment to someone in so much pain that all that person can do is lash out in hurtful ways.
It requires every bit of effort to not go back to where this woman has continually gone before.
So, what does that mean for this blog?
I am planning on continuing with the Bloggers for Peace movement, hosted by Kozo at Everyday Gurus. I’m also going to continue to blog regarding mental health issues as part of Blog for Mental Health 2014, hosted by Ruby Tuesday at A Canvas of the Minds.
I don’t know what else or how often I’ll be posting, as I figure out my next steps. In the meantime, I’m going to be doing the personal work of recovery and healing in offline forums. If I am able to do so without breaking my agreement, I will share some of what I’m learning and growing in from these other processes.
One thing which is officially changed, is that thanks to the very controversial Affordable Care Act, I now have state sponsored medical coverage and can access medical, dental, vision, and mental health services for myself and not just piggyback on services connected to Luna. As I pursue physical as well as emotional/mental health, I may wind up reviving my Experiments in Health and Wellness blog, linking those posts to this blog.
I have a grandchild due in April, so, if there is reconciliation and restoration in the relationship between myself and LaLa, my granddaughter may be added to the list of Important People in My Life.
I’ve started learning to knit and crochet. I have a very ambitious project in mind, but I’m not going to talk about it now. I’ve also discovered a knack and an interest in creating original digital art, which led to this resource List of Free and open source digital art software tools. More posts relating to my Creative Endeavors could happen.
Basically, what you see and when you see it will be as much of a surprise to me as it will be for you. For those who have travelled any part of this journey with me over the past couple of year, Thank YOU for your comments, support, and encouragement. You have blessed me beyond measure. For those who are just joining me for this leg, Welcome! I appreciate the company.