My heart aches from missing you. I know my part of why we are so distant from one another. It is because I’ve always struggled to be a good enough mother.
As you go through your final entry into the motherhood role, I wish I could be there for you, to surround you and your little family with the love it’s been so hard for me to show.
You are now, and always have been a blessing of light in my life. I truly regret not being able to express this to you in tangible ways, significant for you.
Your daughter has an amazing mama! I have no doubt you are going to love her with all your heart and willful intention. She’s fortunate that way.
Know this, there will be times when your heart may become less than whole and willful intention gets redirected. It happens to everyone.
Hold onto and grow in the wisdom you have gained from being my daughter and by learning from my mistakes.
1) It’s better to be a good enough parent than to beat yourself up for not being better.
2) No one else is living in your skin, responsible for your life, who has the experience of being you. Many will offer unsolicited advice and feedback about your child, your parenting, your decisions, and your life. Well-meaning and not, those who love you and others, complete strangers and those who think they know you best – none of that matters, if you didn’t ask, then it’s a boundary they’ve overstepped and it isn’t your job to validate, defend, justify, rationalize, or explain yourself to them. Period. Dot. The End.
3) Seek out those, who not only appear to have the kind of life you want to give your child, but who also have the kind of relationships with themselves, their children, and others around them you want to experience for yourself and teach your child how to be in.
4) Your child will become your biggest motivator and best teacher. Some days, she may be the only reason for facing the day. That’s okay, even though it won’t feel okay. But, remember, the entirety of your identity and self is not just “mom.” You have soul needs and if you don’t tend to those, the loss of self and identity will hinder and impair your motherly love and intention. Even five minutes a day, nurturing your soul, will serve both you and your child.
5) If you need a break or help, ask for it. Even if you know what others around you are dealing with and think they will say, “no.” Ask anyway. It isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.
6) Build a community. The bigger, the better. A community of mutually supportive people, or multiple communities. Develop friendships with as many healthy, constructive, supportive, positive people as possible, who will hold you and your family up when your strength wanes.
Always remember, I love you.