To my Delightful One

My heart aches from missing you. I know my part of why we are so distant from one another. It is because I’ve always struggled to be a good enough mother.

As you go through your final entry into the motherhood role, I wish I could be there for you, to surround you and your little family with the love it’s been so hard for me to show.

You are now, and always have been a blessing of light in my life. I truly regret not being able to express this to you in tangible ways, significant for you.

Your daughter has an amazing mama! I have no doubt you are going to love her with all your heart and willful intention. She’s fortunate that way.

Know this, there will be times when your heart may become less than whole and willful intention gets redirected. It happens to everyone.

Hold onto and grow in the wisdom you have gained from being my daughter and by learning from my mistakes.

1) It’s better to be a good enough parent than to beat yourself up for not being better.

2) No one else is living in your skin, responsible for your life, who has the experience of being you. Many will offer unsolicited advice and feedback about your child, your parenting, your decisions, and your life. Well-meaning and not, those who love you and others, complete strangers and those who think they know you best – none of that matters, if you didn’t ask, then it’s a boundary they’ve overstepped and it isn’t your job to validate, defend, justify, rationalize, or explain yourself to them. Period. Dot. The End.

3) Seek out those, who not only appear to have the kind of life you want to give your child, but who also have the kind of relationships with themselves, their children, and others around them you want to experience for yourself and teach your child how to be in.

4) Your child will become your biggest motivator and best teacher. Some days, she may be the only reason for facing the day. That’s okay, even though it won’t feel okay. But, remember, the entirety of your identity and self is not just “mom.” You have soul needs and if you don’t tend to those, the loss of self and identity will hinder and impair your motherly love and intention. Even five minutes a day, nurturing your soul, will serve both you and your child.

5) If you need a break or help, ask for it. Even if you know what others around you are dealing with and think they will say, “no.” Ask anyway. It isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.

6) Build a community. The bigger, the better. A community of mutually supportive people, or multiple communities. Develop friendships with as many healthy, constructive, supportive, positive people as possible, who will hold you and your family up when your strength wanes.

Always remember, I love you.

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2 comments

  1. Just popped in to see how you are today. I hope you send this letter.
    I have a friend who had alienated all three of her children by her actions, she destroyed her marriage and lost all three of her children; none of them would talk to her, she was heart broken. I told her all she could do was what she was doing, she had changed her life style, was in counselling, was willing to own what she had done and with time when they saw that she meant it and they could trust that she wouldn’t slide back into old ways they would come around.
    So she did just that, she would call on their birthdays, Xmas, etc, even though she was terribly lonely and wanted their love and acceptance more than anything she didn’t push them. one by one they cautiously accepted her back and she was able to create new and loving relationships with two of them. The third one was harder, he took longer, but it was his love and caring that held him back, it had hurt him so badly when she turned her back on the family he just could not take the chance of her hurting him and his family like that. He is slowly opening up to her after years.
    Patience and honest communication.
    Wonderful letter btw
    \hugs
    CArrie

    Like

    1. Thanks Carrie. Everything is still so fresh and raw, as well as old and scarred, for all of us, this probably won’t be seen by her until she’s ready to receive it and, as you said, that likely won’t happen until it can be seen that my changes are long lasting.

      Blessings,
      Kina

      Like

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