Apparently I first signed up to write this blog two years ago on December 15, 2011.
Going from memory, without rereading what I wrote back then, I know I was in a very sad and dark place. The relationship with Keith was volatile because of his anger and my depression/pain issues. The relationships with, Marco, my son, and LaLa, my adult daughter, were strained and virtually non-existent. I was deeply depressed and full of anxiety about Luna and her future.
The more things stay the same, the more they change.
Most of those things are true today. Again. Still.
On the other hand, other things are true as well.
One true thing today, which was not true then, is that I do not believe I am alone. I’m not alone in my pain and I’m not alone in walking through the painful and difficult things I am going through. While traveling this painful and rocky path, I am experiencing companionship. This companionship is showing me empathy and compassion, humor and understanding, cameraderie and commiseration. Traveling this road with companions means that I am learning to be there to support others along their journeys on the twisted and treacherous paths of this life, as well. I am discovering that, in addition to the bumps and potholes, beauty, laughter, and fun are also possible on this journey. Despite how it has often felt, there are bright and beautiful sun breaks in the grey and gloomy clouds. Vibrant explosions of color bloom in unexpected places and break up the dank and dismal landscape I believed I was traveling through.
This is not a silent or lonely road, though I may have been a silent and lonely person on the road. I have discovered that I was carrying my own isolation around me. I had grown or built up protective walls which surrounded me on all sides. I was a woman living in an opaque bubble, through which the world I viewed and experienced appeared very distorted, unfriendly, and ungiving.
My world is being renovated. I am under reconstrution. It’s a dusty, messy, painful process. The project is taking much longer than I allowed myself to believe it would take. I’m learning to live in the midst of walls being knocked down and to breathe through the dust. I’m beginning to see what the end result can be, and it fuels my hope.
I am grateful.
~ Where I am is enough. For this place I am grateful.
~ What I have is enough. For this I am grateful.
~ The time I have is enough. For this moment I am grateful.
~ The people around me are enough. For them I am grateful.
~ I am enough. For me I am grateful.
~ Above everything, God is enough. For this I am grateful.
- on gratitude (submissivesuite.wordpress.com)
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- Be Grateful for You !!! (michellelagatule.wordpress.com)
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- I Hate This Feeling … (femaleimagination.wordpress.com)
- How I Lost (Then Got) My Groove Back. ~ Michelle Ayn Tessensohn (elephantjournal.com)
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