T.A. Woods, author at PenPaperPad and is an enthusiastic, interesting writer I met during one of the Ultimate Blog Challenges. She reached out to me on FB this week and personally invited me to participate in the Creative Buzz Hop she’s either hosting or participating in.
To be perfectly honest, “hops” are rather confusing to me. Also, I’m not exactly feeling either creative or sociable. All of which mean this is exactly the thing I need to be doing. When I’m engaged in inner battle with the depression and my comfort zone is to avoid doing things that require me to risk failing, having others judge my writing, or interacting with new folks, the best way to thumb my nose at the depression is to force myself to behave counterintuitively and do the opposite of what I feel like doing. It’s a new discipline I’m learning and practicing a little more.
This week’s topic of “home” was tough for me, but, here it is.
They say home is where the heart is,
implying a place of loving bliss.
My experience has not been this.
Disconnected, detached, unstable;
my heart, battered, bruised, unable
to believe heart’s home not a fable.
What a beautiful story to tell;
a fairy tale fantasy to sell
the ones spared childhood’s hell.
Home is the last place I want to be.
My heart cannot be trusted, you see.
Heart & home feel like a cage to me.
Restricted, conflicted, infernally bound
to the objects of heart’s love profound.
My despairing tears fall without sound.
A home without love is just a dwelling.
I’ve stopped buying what they’re selling.
Hear and heed well the truth I’m telling.
With work and commitment, bit by bit,
the heart can heal by the will of spirit,
and a home is what you make in it.