I Am Not Lazy

meHi, my name is Cherise, and I’ll be your guest blogger for today.  As you may know, Kina is having technical difficulties and has asked others to fill in for her now and then.  Blogging isn’t my usual gig, I’m more of a gardener and cook, but when inspiration strikes, I do enjoy writing as well.  This was my insight/inspiration today.

I had a revelation while making dinner, I am not lazy! For years I’ve thought of myself as low energy, I just wasn’t the kind of person who was inclined to get a lot of things done. So many days I flopped on the couch after work, and I just couldn’t work up the energy (emotionally or physically) to make dinner. Needless to say, we ate out FAR too often. Deep down inside, I suspected that I was just lazy. To be sure, I suffered from depression and a variety of physical ailments I couldn’t explain, but still I suspected (and tried to deny) that I was just lazy. A trip to a doctor yielded a shrug and, “Your tests are all normal, and you seem pretty healthy to me.” The look on his face carried the unspoken message that I could use to lose a few pounds. I was irritated, and well aware that losing fifty pounds would probably help a lot, but I just couldn’t seem to stick to anything long enough to accomplish it. An instinct said that the weight was as much a symptom as the rest, but I couldn’t explain that or prove it. So I left that doctor’s office never to return.

Then I quit my full time job and moved to the country to run a bed and breakfast with my mom and husband as partners. The place we bought already had an orchard, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, and a big garden space, so I was all set to grow a lot of good food. Which was great by me because I was bitten by the gardening bug early in my life, and I love good food. The two passions go very well together.

Needless to say, this was far more physical labor than I was accustomed to, but I loved the chance to be outdoors for so much of the summer, and it was great growing all this food. We floated the river with our boys often, and generally had a glorious time. After a couple of years, my stamina had increased ten-fold, and my health was far better. But something was still off, I hadn’t lost any weight, and there were days when I could hardly persuade myself to do anything at all. Gardening became an excuse to avoid things I couldn’t deal with, like making dinner.

I love cooking, it’s one of my absolutely most favorite things, and I’m very good at it (humble too, grin). So why should it be something I find myself avoiding? It seems crazy, and it bugged me. But no matter how I drove myself, this reluctance to cook dogged my steps.

Now cleaning I hate, and always have. I’m way too detail oriented, and I spend far more time and energy cleaning than is really necessary. And it makes my body hurt! So when I avoided cleaning like the plague, well, it was just one more reason to consider myself lazy. Ok, maybe I just had a problem with priorities, but either way, something was wrong with me.

A few years later, I finally got serious about losing some weight, and discovered in the process of dieting that I felt a lot better when I didn’t eat gluten. It took some years of transition, but eventually I went totally gluten free. A large number of those nagging physical ailments the doctor couldn’t help me with went away quite on their own. My husband is now a big fan of me being gluten free, largely because I’m far less cranky and depressed.

As my children headed out into the adult world and my health improved, I began to take on more responsibilities. My garden got larger and more complicated, I became a Red Cross volunteer, and my elderly grandmother began to need far more time and attention from me. In spite of all this, the weight refuses to come off, and there are still many days when I just can’t deal with the necessities of life, i.e. cooking, finances, laundry, etc.

But there are days now when I feel great, and when I feel great, cooking is no problem, I can do some laundry, and take care of other necessities, and it doesn’t feel like the end of the world. Today started out one of those tired days; my back hurt and my energy was nowhere to be found. Suddenly I realized that the back pain might signal something other than a tired back, so I took some colloidal silver in case I might have a UTI. Sure enough, the pain disappeared a half hour or so later. A few hours later the pain came back, so I took some more silver and some cranberry to combat the UTI. Again the pain went away and I was able to concentrate on the things I had to get done today. By late afternoon, I was too hot to work outside anymore, and it was a good time to get some dinner made, so I headed in. For the first time in over a week, I found myself happily buzzing about the kitchen with lots of energy and inspiration for cooking. And that’s when it hit me. I am basically a hard driving, high energy sort of person who loves to accomplish things, but my ill health drags me down like the Slough of Despond! When I don’t have the energy to do the things I love like cooking, entertaining, and such, something is wrong, something that can be fixed. Sometimes it’s hard to find just the right answer, I don’t always know what the problem is, but as I figure out the big things (gluten, other food allergies, toxic overload), it becomes easier to figure out the smaller things (UTIs).

You don’t have to be sick and tired all the time. There are answers out there. Don’t be afraid to seek them, and don’t be hard on yourself. You’re all you have, you know, so be nice to yourself. Life can be a wonderful adventure, that I know for sure, so go get it!

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4 comments

  1. Cherise,
    You are an amazing woman and one of the best friends I’ve ever had. It would never, in all of my years of knowing you, categorize you as lazy. We both know I’ve had little trouble owning that label for myself though.

    Thanks for posting and sharing. I’d spaced out you were doing a post today. I should have scheduled mine out. My poor readers are probably on HiR overload!

    Blessings to you lady!
    Kina

    Like

  2. Fantastic post. We found out part of my chronic fatigue problem was dairy so I stopped dairy, some months I felt better, some I didn’t. So I started researching my prescription medication and sure enough some generics had dairy in them and others didn’t. So now my doctor prescribes non-generic and I finally have my pharmacy double-checking my meds.

    Another problem was that I was borderline anemic but during my period it turned out I’d become very anemic, no one had thought to check for fibroids – my lack of energy is all in my head. I also am someone who does not process iron properly so borderline for me means in trouble.

    I’ve also found with a number of women who think they are lazy it’s because they don’t realize how much they do & how little the rest of the family does. Both husband & wife work but wife still does 90% of household chores & she can’t figure out why she is always tired. Once she starts tracking what she really does everyday she starts to realize why she is so tired.

    So sometimes it is food allergies/intolerance, undiagnosed health problems (your numbers are in the normal range may not mean you are ok), sometimes its because you don’t think about/credit yourself for all the things you are doing you only see the things you aren’t doing.

    Like

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