What do you mean my journey isn’t about me? or How self-promotion CAN benefit others

28 Days to a New Me: Day 2 A Purposeful walk . . . and unlikely gratitude was how I began my day. It was, for the most part, all about me and what I’m doing on my path to increasing my health and wellbeing through walking and how I have to motivate myself to do good things for me by attaching them to something I see as more of a priority – such as applying to get Luna into a full day pre-school program at our neighborhood elementary school.

The process of making the accompanying video and getting it completely set up on YouTube (captions and all!) was also primarily about me. I LOVE learning new things and I’m pretty ecstatic over the way I’ve been able to figure out how to put together a decent video as part of my process of developing technical skills, building my portfolio, and even, dare I say it?, “branding” and “platform building.” If I want to become competetive and “saleable” as an employee or as a free-lanceer with my writing, I absolutely HAVE to be able to provide evidence that not only can I write solid and interesting content, but that I am capable of engaging an audience in a myriad of ways via social networking and visually engaging content as well as written content. I’ve been working on increasing my familiarity and skill with image creation AND I’ve been learning to swim instead of sink in the seas of social media. However, Video content, well, that was not something I had ever seriously considered doing. However, thanks in large part to all the work I’ve done here, with the help and encouragement of many of my readers, I finally had the courage and a modicum of self-confidence to take that leap of faith.

Me. Me. Me. My health. My wellness. My journey. My dreams. My goals. My hopes. My growth. My development . . .

Well, THAT was fun! Where was I? Oh yeah, talkin’ ’bout me.

About eight months ago, I shared about a conversation I’d had with a pastor from a small church I was attending at the time. You can read about it here if it of interest to you. However, since it’s just more about me and I’m trying to change the subject, please don’t feel obligated.

Here’s where I was, inside of myself and in my ability, or lack thereof, to engage in relationship with others:

I also know that I’m at my limit and just trying to be present and show up in my life takes everything I have, so I don’t have much of anything to give to anyone more. So, if I can’t reciprocate in the investment of time, energy, and caring in building new relationships with new people, how can I expect new people to do that for me and in my life?

He counseled me with facts and information about relationship building that I already knew. He explained that just genuinely and sincerely asking someone else about what’s going on in their lives without winding up bringing the conversation back around to myself, my life, and my woes would go a long way to building relationships.

Not something I was capable of then, no matter how much I wanted to or how hard I tried to force myself to play by relationship-building rules. Believe me when I say, I have lost more good friends because of my inability to not make everything about me, than I care to think about. Some have walked away, others I have pushed away, the rest I just let go of and since our relational connections were tenuous at best, they didn’t even know I needed them to hold onto me.

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Thanks in large part to the work I’ve been doing here and learning, not just about me, but also about online relationship building via social media tools and communities, I’ve had some people who had moved on . . . come back into my life. Sometimes it’s been very positive and edifying. Other times, not so much. However, even those times brought with them opportunities for learning, growth and change. I’m learning to be thankful for the unlikeliest of things . . . including learning that my journey isn’t about me, or at least not all of it and probably not most of it.

Which brings me to the first title questions: What do you mean my journey isn’t about me?

It was, in the beginning, sort of. Sure, I wanted to feel better, and to stop being so full of bitterness, anxiety, and fear all the time. However, those fears revolved around another human being, Luna. I was desperate to raise her better, different, happier than LaLa and Marco got to be while they were growing up – in large part because I wasn’t better and my kind of different was very problematic for both me and them. As for happier, happiness and I were on about the same terms as I had with self-esteem and self-confidens. In other words, not in the very least.

However, the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Twelve Step Recovery processes, in most of the “Anonymous” organizations are not about the person in recovery, but about how that person interacts in relationship with those around him or her. Steps 8 and 9 are about making amends to those whom we’ve caused harm or damage to in the past, as long as our efforts to make amends do not compound the harm or damage. Step 10 states: “[We] Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” These steps are about how we deal with those we are already in relationship with.

The 12th Step is about service to others:

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

It sounds like proselytizing or evangelism. However, the spiritual awakening inside of us allows us to practice all these principles in all our affairs, which is the biggest and only message that anyone caught in the throes of addictive or compulsive behavior will likely recognize as something life-changingly different.

If I, with all my faults, foibles, hang ups and fears can risk exposure and show the true person behind the mask; if I come out of isolation and hiding, sharing the realities of what it’s like to be a co-dependent crazy, addicted to toxic relationships as well as a compulsive binge eater, who is clueless about how to be in relationship with her God, her self, or her own children, then I am opening myself to receive healing. More importantly though, others who are like me in any, all, or any combination/variant of those things sees, reads, and can “experience” through my words and my willingness to be exposed, will have a spark ignited within them as well.

I hope that my journey of learning how to self-promote does help others as much as I have been helped.

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16 comments

    1. Amy,
      You are welcome. I finally realized that the “Related articles” feature can not only offer relevant posts for my readers, it can help me connect as well. Thanks for following the ping back .

      Blessings,
      Kina

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  1. Although I must admit, when we blog, we are talking about ourselves. Ultimately, we can only listen to someone else when we either read their blogs or, ideally, actually listen to them in person.

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    1. James,
      You are absolutely correct. One of the things that I’m learning, however, is that even when I’m talking about myself and what’s going on with me and in my life on this blog, am I doing so just to “hear my own voice,” as it were? Or am I actually doing so with the people I want to reach in mind by sharing something from my journey and experiences which could be helpful to theirs? Am I open to feedback and willing to engage with those who do leave comments? Am I willing to follow them back to their online home and find out more about who they are and receive what they have to offer? These are all components of online relationship building for those of us who may not have that many opportunities, for whatever reason, for developing and growing relationships IRL where they can have face to face interaction.

      Blessings,
      Kina

      Like

      1. I think this quote fits perfectly here:

        I don’t share my thoughts because I think it will change the minds of people who think differently I share my thoughts to show the people who already think like me that they’re not alone.

        -Anonymous

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