Just Another Manic Monday

It’s time for our Monthly Manic Mondays with Marisa (on Tuesday). Marisa wrote last night about going through her Monday and dealing with transitions, grief, and taking care of herself while dealing with the day to day things that don’t stop. She’s an inspiration and a role model for me. Maybe she will be for you too.I’m guest-posting today, I have my own blog over at Butterneck Toad (not like I’ve been active there or anything…) 🙂

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Manic Monday, indeed!  Today was so manic I thought it was Tuesday all day! I managed to do several loads of laundry, embroider the last of two pair of shoes and get them packaged for shipping, start embroidery on another pair of shoes, make some headway on taxes, enter some business bills into Quickbooks, take the dogs to the dog park, and pack a box.

I am often doing several things at once, in the midst of various projects, tasks and chores, but lately two major things have made my multi-tasking a bit more complicated.

The first thing is something really positive. My family will be moving soon, back to the town my husband and I both grew up in. Our families and many friends are there. We have made many connections where we are now, as we have been here for almost five years, but it is time to go home, and we are excited! Our move date is in just over a month, so I have been starting the arduous task of sorting everything we own into five piles: Keep/pack for long term storage, keep/pack for the move, give away, throw away, and sell.

I’ve made some small progress in getting rid of a few things and making a little bit of money doing it, it’s been enough to put gas in my car, a little extra into our moving fund, and pay for a bridesmaids dress I’ll be wearing in August.

The second life-changing event is pretty opposite. On March 2nd, our very close friend and housemate was killed in a car accident. She had been renting our guest room since October and we had been close friends for almost two years. My friend was 28, and leaves behind a 9 year old son that lives with her parents.

We’ve known we were probably going to move for about six weeks. Our friend was not going to move across the country with us, and was making plans to move in with another of her friends that had recent need for a roommate. I was preparing to say goodbye, but the kind of goodbye where you can still talk on the phone every day and visit once in a while.  I was not preparing to say goodbye forever.

The last thing I said to my friend, as she was getting ready to go to a concert, was “Have fun! Be safe! I love you!”

I know she knew I loved her, and I know she had fun at the concert, it was her 2nd favorite band. Safe though… no.

Just over a week ago the driver of the car turned himself in to police to be arrested for DUI, Vehicular Homicide, and driving too fast for conditions. His blood-alcohol level was .165 (TWICE the legal limit).

My everyday life is often a tumultuous affair; fighting to ignore the symptoms of fibromyalgia and PCOS, battling depression and anxiety, trying to manage projects and tasks for four separate businesses AND our household.

Now, each day I am reminded that my dear, sweet friend is gone from my life. Hers was often the first voice I would hear every day, thanks to a walkie-talkie type app on my phone… “Good Mooooorning!!”

Some days I just dive in to my to-do list. I have had to add eating to the list, as I often am lacking for appetite. Thankfully another close girlfriend has seen to it that I eat SOMETHING, at least once a day, and that I am getting OUT of the house and getting some sunlight and exercise. For this, I am very grateful.

Other days are much harder. It hits me like a punch right in the gut, and I well up with tears and a deep, wrenching pain. During those times it is all I can do to dress myself and eat something. I cuddle close to my dogs and often have to take a nap because I am just exhaustingly overwhelmed with emotion.

Leaving this house will be bittersweet. I think it will help my healing to not have a daily, constant reminder that she is missing from my home and my heart. Yes, I know she will always be in my heart, yadda yadda yadda. I do treasure my memories of her and recounting them to myself helps, in a way.

In tragic irony, my friend’s death fell on the 10 year anniversary of another close friend taken too soon, at the age of 25 from cancer.

10 years ago I was one of five friends that got a dragonfly tattoo to honor our friend. Soon, I will be getting a daisy tattoo to honor this recent passing, as well.  In the meantime, I am keeping a bouquet of live daisies on my kitchen counter. As the daisies fade and wilt, I buy new ones. It is a small thing, but they make me smile because they were her favorite flower and are cheery and happy, as was she.

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12 comments

  1. I feel for your loss. I lost 2 dear friends in 2011, one from cancer at the age of 54. The 2nd passing was a former classmate of mine at age of 50. Then the following year I lost 2 more friends. Both were around the age of 56. One from cancer and the other from a massive stroke. It is so sad to not be able to reach out to them for one more chat or one more hug or to tell them again how much you love them and what they meant to you. I know life moves on. I think of them constantly and will never forget. It’s hard to lose loved ones. I miss my loving parents so much, as well. Life is short and you get a reminder of that with a grand slap in the face when you lose someone so close. It reminds you to cherish each day like it’s your last and to leave a footprint behind in someone’s life and make a difference.

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  2. Forgive me if this is a second post, I already wrote a comment, but I couldn’t tell if it went through or not.

    This was a great article, I could really feel the emotional suffering of the writer and I wish you the best as you recover from the loss of your friend!

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  3. I was reading manic Monday, and double checking it is Tuesday – it doesn’t take much to confuse me!
    I’m sorry to read about your friend, and it does sound like a move will help you heal. You know she will be forever in your heart

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  4. This is so poignant and my heart goes out to you with my deepest sympathy for your loss. I can only begin to imagine what you must be feeling by your eloquently written article. Blessings to you all those who are also touched by your loss.

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