This is the second weekend in a row that my planned post of an Author Interview hasn’t gotten published. My plans for doing a post a day for this year have also been kiboshed. Those who have followed my blog and have gotten to know me some have probably seen the signs of a downward turning.
I’m doing okay, mostly. It’s just that things have done what they usually do whenever Keith has scheduled home time, plans go awry, emotions have gotten volatile, and once again significant changes have occurred regarding Keith’s job.
The recent changes in my understanding about my mental health issues have caused me to do a lot of reevaluating of significant events in my life and brought me into a funky period of subdued grieving and almost peaceful acceptance. However, processing all of this at the same time other things are happening in the lives and choices of key people around me, who are unable to tolerate and accept my issues in supportive and encouraging ways, while they themselves are immersed in their own symptomology and stressors, has been extremely taxing.
Once again, LaLa landed on our doorstep the same day Keith came home. His home time started two days early and has been rife with stress.
LaLa feeling stressed over not having her own home and Luna making innocent comments about why LaLa isn’t at her home. She’s also been stressed over interactions and conflict with the person she’d been living with, who was being uncooperative in allowing her access to obtain the rest of her belongings. She’s working hard to make the most of opportunities being provided to her when there many obstacles and challenges, so she’s been verbally volatile, snappy, and irritable.
Since we took Jade back out to Keith’s mom’s house – her situation is still in limbo with her house – Luna has taken to focusing her attention on LaLa’s cat. This is problematic with LaLa being around more and the cat’s former hiding place having been removed during a recent de-cluttering purge, since the cat is out in the open more. LaLa gets protective over the well-being of her cat and snaps at Luna. Keith, being the over-protective papa and self-proclaimed king of his domain, is intolerant of anyone (other than himself) expressing short-temper, impatience, and irritability, especially toward his precious little girl.
His second day home he wound up in a conflict, via text, with the wife of his co-driver. The next day, Valentine’s Day, he got a call from someone looking for a co-driver. He contacted his Fleet Manager, who wasn’t aware of a problem. Yesterday, he got another call and eventually found out his co-driver had just notified their Fleet Manager yesterday that he didn’t want Keith as a co-driver anymore.
Tensions have been running high because we didn’t know what was happening with the truck, which still has Keith’s belongings on it, but had gone home with his co-driver. Keith was on the verge of just quitting, but has decided to stick it out for now.
After four days of no communication, his former co-driver finally notified the truck has been dropped off at a local drop yard. He explained that he didn’t appreciate how his wife had been treated, that he had left the truck, and has quit. Keith has a lot of feelings around this whole situation and is now stating the guy had been giving off signs that he’d been looking for an excuse to quit. He’s feeling betrayed, because one of the reasons he went back out on the road with the company was specifically to be co-driver with this guy.
In the meantime, we’re almost out of money, still waiting for his federal refund, which he’s also agitated about, and without a co-driver and not knowing what was going on with the truck before their fleet manager left for the weekend, he’s home until Monday, at least, then will be running at a lower pay rate with fewer available miles while he’s running solo until he gets another co-driver.
In addition to everything else, probably exacerbated by it as well, my pain levels have shot up. The sciatica got so excruciating that the lower left side of my body from the center of my lower back down to just above the knee, wrapping all the way around the front and inner thigh/pelvic area and put to my navel was so tender and painful that just brushing the skin with my fingertips felt like Freddy Krueger had heated his blades to red hot and was slicing me open. That sensation lasted a couple of days. Thankfully that has calmed down some and I’ve been left with a dull, throbbing headache and the pain in my lower back that is probably a herniated disc from when I tripped last March and caught myself wrong.
As a result of all of this, part of me is feeling like I’ve been set back with my goals and plans for writing and self-care and such. On the other hand, I’m actually feeling a bit more stable in coping with all of these things than I’ve been able to every other times these kinds of upheavals have taken place in the past.
So, I know I will get back to regular posting soon enough. The next post was previously written and scheduled, but after that I don’t have anything prepared.
I’ll keep you posted on what life is happening while I let go of planning for the moment.
Blessings to all of you.