Brain dump & updates

Today is the day I had planned for another Author Interview, which I may get to later. However, I just really need to do a brain dump. So, bear with me.

For those who ready my Six Word Friday entry for “Chill,” you probably got a sense of some of what I have been dealing with for the past week or so. It has been really challenging and I’ve been struggling, as usual, with the emotions of it all.

First, let’s talk about Jade. He amped up his misbehavior with defecating and urinating on EVERYTHING in my living room and I had to rent the Zipcar for about six hours yesterday to transport him back out to Keith’s mom’s house yesterday and then later in the afternoon to figure out how to deal with the fact he had soiled, stained, and stunk up all the seat cushions and all but two of the back cushions on the separated sectional that has been our living room furniture. I researched the cost of purchasing deodorizers and treating for the cat urine smell. It probably would have cost over $100 to treat everything and the time/energy cost would have been much more. My small federal tax refund had thankfully gotten deposited, along with one of Keith’s paycheck’s so, there was some money available to take care of this, but with everything else happening, not what we had prioritized to spend the money on.

I researched the cost of getting replacement upholstery foam for cushions and again that would have been around $100 plus I would have had to order it online and waited who knows how long for delivery. I eventually found that Home Depot had some foam pads and purchased four of them. 6′ L x 30″ W x 3″ D pads for $19.98/ea and then wrapped two for each section in old king sized fitted sheets. One set is about six inches too long for one section and the other set is about four inches too short. It looks quite tacky. However, they are fairly comfortable and will tide us over until we actually figure out what else to do.


I did find this kind of cute futon with storage underneath that is only $159. We may use some of Keith’s federal refund to purchase a couple of those to actually replace what we have now. However, again, that is not what the money was prioritized for. I also realize that they are cheap because they won’t last very long. Hopefully, if we do get them, they will last a couple of years until we can afford something more sturdy and durable.

In the meantime, since I had to get the car in the afternoon, after Luna had returned from respite care, I had to lug her carseat half a mile to the Zipcar and have her stand outside the car while I installed the darn thing. I told her to stay on the sidewalk and wait for me. While I was fighting with the straps, I noticed her head kept dipping down. She was stepping down into the murky, dirty, standing water that was accumulated next to the curb. She lost a shoe into it. Since I was already stressed and upset about the extra money going on the car and what it was going to cost to deal with replacing the cushions, I was livid when I realized I was going to have to get her some new shoes and socks because she was now without a shoe on one foot and the sock on that foot was soaked. Poor little bug was tired, she’s still recovering from her cold that she got last Friday. Then to have me yelling at her and telling her she had lost her shoe and couldn’t wear them, was too much for her. So, she was crying inconsolably while I was driving around, trying to find a place to get replacement cushions.

When we got to Target and got to the shoe section, there were a couple of really cute canvas shoes that were on clearance: a purple pair of Dora high tops that zipped on the sides and a pink pair of Hello Kitty canvas lace-up low-tops. She threw a tantrum because she wanted both and wouldn’t let me put either in the cart without the other. One pair wasn’t in my budget, much less two, so I was going to leave her barefoot and just get some new socks, since she did still have other shoes at home. However, my back was hurting REALLY bad and I knew I wouldn’t be able to carry her. So, I wandered through the non-clearance shoes and found a pair of canvas low-tops with velcro straps that she loved. They were only a dollar or so more than either of the other pair, so, I decided it was a win/win.


On top of everything else, I found out that we had less than $50 in our account this morning because the Zipcar not only automatically renewed our annual membership, but also renewed the annual damage waiver (that replaces insurance). I discovered that because LaLa was here preparing to go to her modelling/acting class and tore a runner in her nylons.

This is another issue that has been factoring into my mental/emotional disruptions. I don’t want to abandon her. She has other people in her life offering her support and encouragement. However, she stops in almost daily to get ready for her internship at the modelling agency. I’m so proud of her for pursuing her dreams and working to change her life. She’s positioned to take her GED anytime now and is getting front office work experience as she exchanges her work for her classes. The fact that I’ve been able to not only work to rebuild our relationship but also have reached a point where she sees me as an encouragement and support is phenomenal. I just don’t think I’m ready to risk losing this closeness that we’ve gained in the past few months by moving away.


Addendum: I had a number of technical and brain glitches during the creation of this post. So, I appreciate your patience with the unedited and scattered nature of this post. *sigh*


  1. When it rains, it pours. I’m right there with you, what with dealing with the parents and all their health issues. Things have improved, but I still went on a huge crying jag the other night to release all that pent up frustration. I hope your tunnel starts getting a little brighter soon.


    1. Mary,
      Sorry to hear of your parents health troubles. I can’t even imagine what you may be experiencing with all of that. Cathartic crying sounds like a good idea.

      In actuality, there are some really good things starting to happen, but I needed to do the brain dump to make room for my perspective and perceptions to shift. I think I’m finally coming to acceptance and understanding that the difficulties and challenges are always going to be present, so it’s time to identify the good and constructive things that are also present and identify how they work in conjunction with each other so I can move into an integrated and functional life.

      So glad you stopped by! It’s always nice to hear from you.

      Be well,


  2. DO NOT MOVE AWAY, you will regret it. And I would know! 🙂

    Also, good substituting on the couches, and if it were my kid I probably would have made her just walk barefoot! Then again, I’m a big meanie. 🙂


    1. Marisa,
      We just decided to stick it out here, lol.

      If she hasn’t just spent the last week sick with a cold, I would have made her walk barefoot!

      Thanks for the encouragement on the couch solution.



  3. Oh wow. Sorry you had such a stressful day! Maybe if you just got some sheets and ‘slip covered’ the furniture, it wouldn’t look as tacky with the makeshift cushions? That way you can hold off on purchasing new furniture for a while longer?


    1. Diana,
      There was more, lol! I actually wound up with technical and brain glitches and lost 1/4 of what had been written, so the last paragraph is a much abbreviated version, *sigh*

      Thanks for stopping in and offering empathy.



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