HALT: The best laid plans

Today’s post was supposed to be about something completely different; it was also supposed to be much shorter.  I’ve had some good feedback from my two previous posts for this challenge and I was really looking forward to continuing in the same vein. I’ve even got a couple of ideas rumbling around in my psyche about codependency and communication.  However, every effort for me to write today seems to have been thwarted.

I did it to myself.  When my eyes popped open after maybe five and a half hours of sleep sometime around five this morning, I should have just gotten up and done my writing and taken care of my other self-care needs.  Honestly, it’s about the only time that I can use when the television isn’t on, Luna isn’t active and demanding attention, and Jerry isn’t resenting me being on the computer. So, even though a faint internal voice tried to get me to get out of bed and go out into the living room, start up the computer, and get to writing.  It was easily and quickly shushed in favor of rolling over and trying to get a little more sleep before the demands of the day set in.

Actually, the set-up for today’s disruption began yesterday morning.  We got a call from Luna’s school program stating she wouldn’t have school due to some kind of staffing issue.  The call went to Jerry’s phone and not mine, so I don’t know the details.  What it meant was that the four – four and a half hour period of time that I don’t have to focus on Luna’s needs was gone. So all plans for me to focus on what I wanted and needed to do for me went out the window.  On top of that, Jerry has had some neck pain in addition to his shoulder pain that has been a problem for him for a while now.  So, we wound up at the VA Hospital so he could get his shoulder x-rays done (it’s been about a week since the orders went in for him to get it done and he just decided he was going to do it then) and visit their ER to check out his neck pain. For some reason Jerry is unable to go and do things by himself. He always wants me to go with him, especially to anything medical.

So, I spent a lot of time in waiting rooms with Luna waiting for Jerry.  She had some toys that kept her occupied some of the time and there were a couple of kids she actually was able to have good and positive interactions with, which was good.  However, after a while the unmet needs of HALT rose up for us and started building up and overflowing. I was also in increasing pain from my back, hip, and leg.  By the time we got home, Jerry and I were both hurting, snappy, and on edge. Luna had fallen asleep in the vehicle on the way home and actually stayed asleep while her dad got her out of the car seat, carried her up the stairs and put her to bed in her room.  Less than ten minutes later she was awake.

By the time we got settled back in at home after the visit to the VA, Jerry fell asleep watching t.v. and I was left awake with Luna.  The pain finally got to me and I went and lay down, without actually sleeping, but I dozed a little bit.

Earlier in the morning, Jerry remembered he had promised a friend of ours that we would transport him to a very important appointment and he would give us a little bit of gas money.  We’d forgotten that the appointment was for yesterday evening.  Jerry thought it would be something we would all go and do together. Just what I wanted, another ride and then wait for another hour and not get home until late.  I didn’t debate the issue or bring it up before Jerry fell asleep.

Just about the time I started dozing off, Jerry came awake with a curse and reminded me about our friend.  Since Jerry was in such pain from the pinched nerve in his neck, I volunteered to drive alone to get our friend to and from his appointment.  I didn’t get home until after nine p.m.

We’ve started trying to get Luna out of our bed and back into hers this week, so Jerry had her in her room by the time I got home, but once she realized I was home two hours of her coming out and finding reasons to stay awake.  It was close to midnight by the time she fell asleep and we didn’t get to bed until around one a.m. So, it really was no surprise that I was reluctant to get out of bed in the five o’clock hour this morning.

A couple of hours later I got a text from my friend who I had barely communicated with after the events of last week. It was a good thing and we started working through some things.  It wound up being the basis for the next post I’m doing about communication.  Jerry was very angry with her and I was able to let him know the positive outcomes of our conversation.  However, he was also winding himself up by watching a video broadcast on Obama and his supposed anti-Israel administrative actions. So, he was already in a mood.  I tried to deflect it by stating that I just wanted to figure out who to vote for instead of who to vote against. The next thing I know we wind up in a bit of a verbal altercation because I stated I needed to write on my blog and get some things together for him to take to the job fair he was supposed to go to today. It’s been downhill and disrupted since then.

His interpretation was that I was placing his job search needs at a lower importance than my blog. After the argument, I worked on what was needed for him to have with him to take to a Job Fair to meet with potential employers of Veterans.

While we were out yesterday, the maintenance man had come in to work on things we requested over a week ago.  He left a note that he’d done something we hadn’t requested and that we needed to contact the office about another issue he hadn’t been able to complete.  The third thing we had requested wasn’t mentioned at all.  Jerry asked me if I’d called the office, which I hadn’t done and acted frustrated that I hadn’t done it yet.  Then he heard the maintenance guy outside and informed me he was on the premises. The implication being that I needed to go talk to him.  Which I did.

So, while Jerry was puttering about and getting himself ready to go to the job fair, that he never did go to, I was dealing with the maintenance guy.  Breakers got turned off so he could fix the electrical outlet.  I didn’t think about unplugging and disconnecting the television, cable, and internet equipment.  So, we wound up without internet for part of the day and tensions increasing over that and the fact my negligence caused the problem.

Last week I’d gotten a letter stating the food benefits application was denied because I already had an open case.  So I had called and had to leave a voicemail reporting the changes.  I discovered today that the changes hadn’t been applied.  So, I had to wait on hold for a while until I could talk to a live person.  That got resolved, but in the process I found out that our application for cash assistance had been put on hold because we were a no-show an appointment they’d scheduled for us, which we had never been notified of.  So, I had to call that office and reschedule.  The guy who answered the phone heard the first sentence, assumed he knew what I was asking and put me on hold.  He came back on the line and said that the application wasn’t open anymore and that we had received an allotment of food benefits already today.  So, I tried to explain again and got interrupted and when I tried to speak he kept talking over me.  Finally, I interrupted him and specifically stated that I would really like it if he would hear me all the way out so he could get the full picture of my situation and figure out what was needed.  That worked and he transferred me to someone who rescheduled the appointment.

I also got a phone call from the organization we’ve begun receiving therapeutic services for Luna  from.  Last week we were told the original therapist was leaving the organization and a new one would be assigned.  She called today and we discussed a potential schedule.  I’m a bit frustrated that we have to basically start all over with the new person.  The good thing is that we’d only had a total of three sessions with the other gal, so it could have been a more difficult transition. She wants her first appointment to be without Luna and she doesn’t work on Tuesdays.  So, it has to be while Luna is at the Relief Nursery on a Thursday morning. At least we have that appointment figured out now.  Hopefully, we will be able to work out a good schedule for Luna.

A final phone call was made to schedule Jerry’s appointment to follow up on the shoulder x-ray. Two weeks out. Yay.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this, I wound up in a stupid, painful argument with Jerry over potato chips, got upset because Luna wouldn’t stop putting her feet on me and kept wanting me to feed her cup of noodles to her one forkful at a time, and wound up crying in the bathroom.

Gah! Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. The perfect set up to the worst day.

Hyperbole much? Not the worst day, just an overwhelming and challenging one.

The victories:

  1. Despite how I felt, I didn’t blow a gasket on Luna when she wasn’t at fault for anything.  She was attention seeking because both her dad and I have been out of sorts and unavailable to her today.  She could feel the tension between us and in her happy and natural little girl way seeking reassurance and security.
  2. I resolved the food benefits issue and got us back on track with applying for cash assistance.
  3. Worked with the maintenance man and got all the maintenance issues resolved.
  4. Accomplished my part in what I said I would do for Jerry’s job search and got a follow up Dr. appointment scheduled for Jerry.
  5. Worked on repairing the rupture in the relationship with a friend.
  6. Even if I didn’t write what I wanted to write, I did write and obviously needed to write this out in order to move forward.

Deep breath and release what went wrong today and hold onto the victories.

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