Reevaluating the great adventure

There’s this guy I know. We aren’t exactly friends, although we are friends on facebook and I like him and what he represents and how he communicates.  He’s a pastor and I first met him when he was working with youth at a church I attended about 15 years ago.  He baptized my son and he’s been pastoring in the church community that I am most connected to, in my head and heart, if not in my attendance and interactions.

I’ve held myself back and not really given him or many others a chance to be in my life with me.  Due to a lot of factors, I’ve done a lot of popping in and popping out, with very little engagement in the community.  Part of it has been my inability to just be social.  I can’t seem to interact with anyone without getting into some deep and detailed conversation about the challenges and difficulties.  Often, my attendance and presence was when I was completely overwhelmed and feeling lost and unable to cope with what was going on in my life and I was seeking out others to help me through, without understanding or being able to engage in more normal relational activities.

I began to tell myself a story about how he and others must see me: drama queen, addicted to chaos and conflict, narcisisstic and unwilling or incapable of participating in normal relationships.  Why shouldn’t they see me this way?  Underneath it all it is what I came to believe was true about myself.

Well, from way beyond the sidelines, far away from the outfield, I’ve been observing his path and his journey and realizing that he has been on his own path toward healing, recovery, and growth.  What? Really? This is someone who I have admired, envied at times, and ultimately assumed because from the outside looking in, he had achieved and accomplished things that I’d given up dreaming for.  He’s college educated.  He doesn’t just have a career, he’s been working in areas he’s passionate and equipped for.  He has pursued and honed his talents and actively worked to shore up areas that were challenging and weak.  Married, with children, and actively supporting his wife’s individual needs, dreams, and goals.  What could possibly have been present in his life to heal, recover and grow from?

Now, I don’t know the details, and I don’t need to know the details, because while they may have been absolutely critical in his journey and in his process to get to the point where he is today, they aren’t necessary in order for me to relate to who he is and what he’s offering today.  He’s done a lot of the kind of core-deep internal work on an emotional and spiritual level that is reflected and amplified through the messages he shares from the pulpit, from his blog, and now from his facebook author page, Marc Alan Schelske Your Life. God’s Artwork Ephesians 2:10.

Today is the official launch day and as a way to get the party started he asked a series of questions for us to respond to:

  1. What’s your favorite piece of art work (song, painting, sculpture, book, whatever) and why? (I Love You Forever because the artwork and story showed me love I’d never experienced and the kind of relationship I had hoped to build with my son.)
  2. If you were a piece of art, what kind of art would you be? Describe it in a single sentence. (My answer:  While I don’t consider myself a hero, I would be an epic poem. His response: I know a bit about your life. I’d say there’s a dragon or two in there, and some dangerous treks through dark territory. Sounds epic to me.)
  3. Go and read Ephesians 2:10 and then share what it says to you about your life. (My answer: Somehow, some way, all the things that I’ve struggled with and battled in my life are part of God’s workmanship and the person I’ve been, who I am, and am working to become is good, despite my feelings on the matter. His response: Re-read what you just wrote and tell me this. If the words you wrote are true, how does that make you feel about who you are? My answer: There is a deep well of grief and sorrow that is trying to rise up as I try to think about this. Fundamentally, I can’t seem to believe what I know to be true. His response: You are beloved, lady. Any other voice you hear is lying.)

Taking the time and answering these questions has brought me face to face with emotions I’ve been running away from and holding a mirror up for me to see the things inside of me that have been so difficult to look at directly.  Reading his responses to my answers shows me that I don’t have to keep it all to myself and try to stay in control of the process because there are others who are willing to accompany me on this journey in my real life, as well as my virtual one.

I have decided that I have to start interacting with people in my real world in real ways if I want to ever truly move beyond this self-imposed isolation.  However, due to a lot of internal and situational factors, interacting online is the best way for me to get started.  Having Marc take this step and open himself up as he works to achieve his goals and dreams is providing an opportunity for me to be as gut-wrenchingly real and honest with people who know me, as I have been with those of you who don’t.  He’s giving me a safe space to take some risks.  He’s challenging me to go outside of my comfort zone and dig deep.  Because he’s friends with Jerry and Jerry is also participating in this, that means I’m also opening up to him.

There are a few more questions and lots of answers from myself and others.  Even if you aren’t a “Christian” and don’t go to church or want to be “preached at” there is still value in exploring the concepts and processes, thinking about the questions, and reflecting on what is being shared.   Please visit and join me on this Great Adventure.

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3 comments

  1. Wow, what compelling stuff. I am moved and feel honored that my process today has been impactful for you. Perhaps that was the whole point all along–not more “likes” for my page, but more healing for you. I’m just so grateful right now. Thanks for taking the risk and writing this. Thanks for expanding your risk and sharing it with me. Thanks so much. Looking forward to much more to come

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    1. Whoa, Marc, that almost sounds like the parent who compliments a child for a good achievement by expecting more of the same. 😀 Just kidding. I’m glad you are doing what you do because it is helping me in so many ways. Thank you.

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