How do you live inside your head?
To think, perchance to dream
That each word another has said
Is meant to offend, insult and demean.
How do you live inside your heart?
Frantic racing of one two sizes too small
Diminished and devalued from the start
Assuming facts not in evidence at all.
How do you survive in all that hate?
Directed at others in lieu of self shame
Fueled by the judgment you rate
Filled with petty vengeance in your name.
How do I live in relationship with you?
My heart breaking in sorrow and pain
Realizing I have no say of what you think or do
Trapped in my cycle of darkness and shame.
How do I live in my chosen life?
Certainty and clarity lost
In the conflict and strife
Amid the overwhelming chaos.
How do we live and survive each other?
Our love born of desperation and need
Sacrificing my oldest daughter and her brother
Starving us all of what we needed to feed.
How can the future be hopeful?
When I hold dark, bitter curses in my heart
Thoughts and feelings hurtful
Rising unbidden, shattering my soul apart.
How do I let go and trust?
My Lord who does redeem
And loves us ones so lost
Confused, who feel unclean.
How is it possible to breathe?
Unresolved grief, memories suppressed
Unrelenting and overwhelming left to seethe
Focusing only on the now, the past yet confessed.