I’m back . . . and so is Jerry

Internet once again inhabits my home. Thanks to the cable company’s desire to connect “new” customers, Jerry went in and signed up services in his name and paid an initial start-up fee that was significantly less than the accumulated charges on the bill in my name.  We will be making small weekly or semi-weekly payments until my balance is paid off, because we owe the money.  Now we have a much less expensive monthly package and will be able to manage things better.  That’s the plan anyway.

Since Jerry is home for the next four days, my appearance here will probably be much less than when I was without internet because we will be muy occupado much of the weekend and he really does cherish his home time with me and Luna.  So, I will try to honor that as much as possible.

Saturday is going to be full and busy.  We are meeting a friend of mine at the gym to hang out and swim, before we head off to visit our “old is new again” church family, then across the city to celebrate a great-niece’s first birthday.  After that, I get to go out, meet up, and interact with people I once attended middle & high school with.  One of whom is my friend we’re swimming with in the morning.

This is the semi-official 25 year high school reunion for the class I should have graduated with.  Not really sure how I feel about it.  My brain is trying to do what it’s done for over three decades now and shut off the valve or shove it behind a door and lose the key.  I don’t think that works well anymore.  Leakage and explosions tend to abound.

I reconnected on facebook with many of these people I once shared the same hallways and breathed the same air with, a few years ago when I got dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century after I signed up for facebook under the duress of having found my father and sister and she pressured me into it.  Initially I was bombarded by friend request from all the family I never knew I had and whose language I can barely read, understand or speak.  Next came the people I knew from the various faith communities I had been part of over the years.  Much to my surprise I got some friend requests from people I never even thought remembered I had existed in the same world as them, some of whom I had managed to forget about myself.

Quickly, much like the old Faberge shampoo commercial (Please tell me some of you are old enough to remember that.  If you aren’t and don’t, please don’t tell me. The white hair and 25 year HS reunion are enough to remind me I’m getting older), I began getting and making “friends” and so on, and so on, and so on, with names familiar from days gone by, that I had hoped thought were gone forever.  High school was not a highlight in my life.

I wound up attending a small gathering of these people from my bygone era and came to the astonishing realization, that since I had moved on and grown up, at least a little, they had as well and while we would never be best friends, I could certainly “like” their status updates and food photos.

Then I got the invite to this reunion thing.

All the old tapes started playing and I’ve been dithering about in my mind, despite me posting a public statement that childcare permitting I would possibly be there.  All the while being in a mental and emotional dither about whether or not I would really go through with it.

Back and forth mental discussions about all the reasons why to avoid it, mostly around my physical limitations (read: low self-esteem and poor body acceptance), our finances (it’s $15 at the door for the food and I will probably prefer water anyway, maybe one mixed drink), and all the what if’s that could possibly go wrong . . . one of which was Jerry winding up on Home Time. Hmmm, Law of Attraction anyone?

However, as it came closer and the organizer updated with RSVP requests, I put out an offer to be a designated driver if I could get a ride, not really expecting anything to come of it.  But hey, I think that’s what I was kind of hoping for anyway.  What to my surprise should happen, but I get, not one, but two phone calls from out of towners who I had really and truly been friends with back in the day.

Despite my dithering and inclination to stay isolated, it seems I am supposed to attend this event and perhaps finish reaching the realization that if I’m an adult then they are too.

I had the opportunity to spend a couple of hours with the same friend we’re meeting in the morning today.  It was like coming home.  Something that I’ve never really had much of.  I think it was only the third time in my life that I’ve truly had a feeling where I was exactly where I belonged. I was with someone safe and loving who cares about me and lights up with arms wide open to welcome me into her life.  It was the second such occurrence with another human being.

You don’t miss what you don’t know until you experience it for the first time and realize it’s what was missing all along.

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22 comments

  1. Sometimes it is good to see where you came from. I have never attended a reunion as I am now overseas but like you have reconnected with many friends through facebook. Enjoy the reunion.

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    1. Shivie,
      Thank you. Facebook has been a very pivotal tool in my life and I have connected with a lot of significant people from my family and from my past, as well as establishing and creating new and important connections.

      The reunion was very good. I’ll write about it soon, most likely.

      Be well,
      Kina

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  2. My 25 yr reunion is this weekend. I probably won’t go. I like you have connected with some people from High School on FB but it’s been so long and I have changed so much I don’t think many will remember me.
    I hope you have fun at yours.

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    1. My thoughts were quite similar to yours. I was pleasantly surprised and even a little baffled and the positive response to my presence. It was good to realize and have affirmation that they have grown up, changed and moved on in ways similar to myself. We have more in common now that we ever did as kids and one of the most astonishing realizations was how much in common we had under the surface and in the “hidden and concealed” realities of our home lives as kids.

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  3. I found a blog that might qualify for your award. It’s a photography blog for people with mental illnesses, and they do photo therapy through the blog. http://wp.me/2fzRm My sister-in-law had never been to a reunion, and went to her 40th. Loved it and reconnected with a few friends. I haven’t ever been to one! Two years ago was my 40th as well. YIKES!!!

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    1. Will you please do a nomination post and notify your nominee and link back to the Courageous Confessionals blog?

      Reunions are interesting events. Glad your sister in law enjoyed hers. I can’t even think ahead another 15 years to imagine our 40th. YIKES is right, lol.

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  4. My ten year reunion was 2 years ago when I was recovering from my last back surgery, and because it was just in town, I went. This facebook age has made it easier to keep in touch and to keep up with people you’ve graduated with. I must confess that I went mainly because I wanted to get out of the freaking house. It was fun, and I am glad I went. Have mixed feelings about the next one though… LOL

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  5. Well, yay for reconnecting with old friends! Hopefully you’ll have even more positive interactions with some of your other schoolmates. And even if not, it won’t be because you didn’t try. Hope you have fun.

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    1. Cheri,
      I went and reconnected. New discoveries about old foes and new connections to others, as well as good support from reconnecting with a couple of very good friends made this an experience I’m glad I followed through on. Fun was had. 😀

      Be well,
      Kina

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  6. Have fun! I myself have never had any desire to attend a HS reunion. The few people I might want to stay in contact with are still in my life. Anyone else, I know it wouldn’t be hard to find them.

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  7. I hope you have a good time at your reunion. My 10 year reunion was last year, and I skipped it. Mostly because Daniel had to work, and I didn’t want to go alone (I would’ve had to travel 4+ hours to attend)

    It really is amazing to reconnect with people. Hopefully this reunion brings you closer to a few more ‘old friends.’

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