Challenging myself

It’s been a month since I left my job to prepare for when I become a full-time mommy in mid-August, when Luna’s Early Head Start Program ends.  It’s been a crazy, busy, and kind of overwhelming time.  (If you are REALLY curious you can read about all of that here and here.) It has been a time when I let myself ride the waves and just kind of be and explore.  However, now it’s time to get real.  I have approximately six weeks before my little girl is home with me full-time and I’m not yet prepared to give her what she needs from me. It’s rather daunting, really.  I have to challenge myself.

As a group of us were chatting at WANATribe, one of my new friends, Athena Brady, asked if we had signed up for the blog challenge.  None of us had heard of it.  The Ultimate Blog Challenge starts today, July 1, and goes the entire month of July.  I checked it out and decided that I am going to challenge myself to do a post each day for the month of July.  31 posts in 31 days.  What did I get myself into?

A lot of the information and resources offered are geared toward gaining readership and traffic, increasing “business” or “brand recognition.”  None of that resonated for me, personally.  There’s nothing wrong with it and I can see the value for those who have a business or brand to build, but I’m not on that same path, at this moment in time.  However, since I’d already committed myself to this process, I had to figure out why I’m doing it and what I want out of it. There is also the fact that I don’t want to blog merely for the sake of blogging.  Small talk and filler chatter in the form of a blog post is a straight up waste of my time and energy and, as far as I’m concerned, that of any unsuspecting reader who comes across it.

As usual, I jumped into it without really examining my motivation and desire to do it. I get excited by the shiny and new and that’s what this is to me.  The excitement of being in community with other bloggers, meeting new people, making new friends, reading new content, and, let’s face it, the feel good buzz of having others read what I’ve written, is all bright and alluring.  It’s been so alluring, in fact, that I have not paid much attention to the other things I need to be giving time, focus, and energy to in my life…specifically setting up a structure and routine that will help me to nurture and grow Luna in healthy and constructive ways, while coping with the ongoing symptoms of depression and fibromyalgia.  I realized that all the buzz and excitement has been a distraction from my fear that I’m not going to be able to do it well.

After reading today’s entry from Shameca Tankerson at The Stiletto Wealth Society and her “90 Day Mission for health and well being,” I was inspired by the fact she’s Doing It Scared!  Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s action despite the fear. So, I’m taking the challenge and doing it scared. Over the next 30 days I am going to use this space to chronicle my journey to transition from unstructured and disorganized distraction and move into establishing a healthy structure and routine for taking care of myself, Luna, and our home.

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9 comments

  1. I think it is great you are doing the challenge along with me. If you think of taking the time to write as a 10 minute window in the day of ‘you’ time and realise that you need it as much as Luna. She has your love and that is all a child needs to get through life, everything else will slot into place eventually. I wish you best wishes for you and your family and I will be following along as we travel the Ultimate Blog Challenge journey!

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    1. Keith,
      Thank you so much for that bit of encouragement. I realize what you say is true. I’m just trying to create a different path for my relationship with her than the path that was taken with her adult siblings. I’m hoping to guide her to adulthood with fewer, or at least different, scars and conflicts. I remember seeing the childhood happiness and innocence die in her sister’s eyes too soon and I just want to protect her from that as long as possible.

      Kina

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  2. Good luck with the blogging challenge. I have jumped into many a thing because of the shiny veneer, then realized that maybe it wasn’t the best idea — but I think blogging once a day might not necessarily be a bad thing if you can come up with stuff to post about. 🙂

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  3. I tried this with WordPress and simply could not do it. Perhaps some other month…but kudos to you! I’m looking forward to your posts. Yours is one of the ones I always read no matter how little time or energy I have.;-)

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