I just spent over an hour working on a post using a computer at the local coffee shop. By the time I came to the end and was ready to “publish” the server was nowhere to be found. I copied and pasted into a .txt file, but apparently neglected to “save” or for some reason the computer just doesn’t allow things to be saved to it. Sadly, I think it was my user error.
I’m so frustrated and upset I want to cry, kick, scream, and generally just throw a tantrum.
I am an adult and that is not an option for me, especially as I am in a public place. So, I am writing this inane post, documenting my frustration and hoping that the action of typing, combined with me seeing my thoughts and feelings appear on the screen, is enough of an outlet for me, so that I can let it go and not have it ruin the remainder of my day.
Part of my frustration is that I was writing about my job that ended today and processing things around that. That post actually helped me to clarify and define some things as I move forward. I had some realizations and it felt important that I have those things detailed in the post. Because of my fibro/depression symptoms, it is difficult for me to retain and track those kinds of things, so having a written record to refer back to is kind of important. I guess, I can try some bullet points and maybe come back to this post at a later date for reminders or to flesh out the ideas and concepts.
Here I go:
- Today was my last day working at a job and for a company that wasn’t the worst I have ever worked at and for, but not the best either. Happy, content, relived, and accepting are the feelings about it.
- Resolution to not take a job just to have a job or income or because it’s available in the moment and I am capable of doing it. Any future job needs to have additional components that feed something within me and ignite my passion to have tangible and constructive impact on or for people.
- Survival has meant taking work to have an income to support myself and the family, and that is important.
- I am grateful for the things that I have and to have had this job experience.
- There are many more things about my life and where I’m at as I approach my 43rd birthday on the 7th, that I am dissatisfied and unhappy with that make me realizing that living to survive has caused me to compromise myself, my values, my goals, and my dreams.
- My mental and physical health issues, along with personal and family life circumstances cannot be balanced with a job that has no significance, meaning, or passion for me.
- It is time to move beyond survival and learn what it means to thrive: not just for myself, but so I can teach my youngest child as well.