Focus on the positive…

I have a pet peeve about this statement, especially if it is coming as a piece of advice or from people who think they know what’s wrong with you and how to fix it.

There is a difference between complaining or focusing on the negative and facing the reality of painful and challenging circumstances.

I know that there are people who do nothing without finding fault and a reason to complain. However, asking people how they are doing or feeling, especially if you know they are facing a difficult time and/or dealing with a chronic or mental illness, and getting irritated that all they mention is their pain, difficulties, and trouble just doesn’t make sense to me.

Being able to tell someone what’s wrong and how I’m feeling, openly and honestly, without fear that I’m going to be judged and shut down and with the knowledge that I’m going to be heard and accepted is an invaluable and freeing thing.

If I can put voice to my fears, worries, concerns, and the things I see or experience as obstacles and can see in the eyes of the person I’m talking to understanding and acceptance, then it’s easier for me to settle down and accept what’s going on instead of feeling the need to struggle and fight against it.

Telling someone about all the things that are overwhelming me and making it difficult for me to see the bigger picture isn’t me asking for them to solve my problems or to burden themselves with my issues. It’s simply me wanting to feel understood, connected and cared about.

Sometimes, I just need to give voice to and let out the overwhelming feelings of sadness, pain, confusion, fear, and anger in order to get them out of the way so I can better see and recognize what there is to be grateful, hopeful and appreciative of and for. Often, when I talk out the problems and issues, I find new perspective and discover alternatives and solutions.

There are those whose innate personality and character enable them to write out lists and cogitate & meditate in isolation and process their issues and concerns in a way that enables them to reach resolution. That’s great for them. That’s just not how I and many others function and process.

So, if you don’t want to know, don’t really care or have the time/energy/inclination to hear what’s really going on with me, don’t ask. If you don’t want to be bothered with the negativity of me processing my issues, then unsubscribe or unfriend me and don’t read my blog. But don’t judge me or criticize me because you can’t deal with my reality.

I know I do need to learn how to celebrate and appreciate what’s good and positive in life. But after years of denying, running from, avoiding, and fighting against the pain and trauma, facing it realistically and honestly accepting it’s existence is slowly clearing the path to realizing and accepting that there is good with and in the bad.

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4 comments

  1. I’ve had the same experience, but also been on the other side where I was giving trite advice and trying to fix things. There’s nothing wrong with any of us except being human…

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  2. This is exactly what I have thought of saying to people who know me and ask but have the audacity to judge w/o walking in my shoes. Please keep up your eloquent writing. It gives me better perspective on what I deal with daily as well. I love you and miss you.

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