I think I’ll let Him
Obsessive thinking about all the changes I need and want to make, as well as how I’m doing with the changes I have been making, combined with my INSANE need to check in with every form of electronic media (ala Portlandia), means that I’m not actually accomplishing much that needs to be done. Since it would seem I’m not able to interrupt the cycle myself, I have to recognize that this is making my life unmanageable in the here and now. Powerless over technology & social media? wtf? Whatever, I admit it. I can’t stop myself.
The God of my understanding can. He has my best interest and the best interest of those I interact with in His heart. Which means, I can trust that, if i just let go of my need to feel validated by the orange dot, and trust that my mere existence is validated by His will and desire, and allow Him to direct my thoughts and actions, then the overwhelming sense of spiraling out of control will dissipate, and I will be left with a sense of peace and calm – serenity.
I have to let Him. I have to make one final willful decision to let go of my will and my drive to do what I think should be done and allow His will to dictate my direction and His energy drive me to accomplish that which needs to be accomplished today. Much easier said than done, as I have this overdeveloped skill of self-deception and self-preservation. However, I will make that decision again and again, as many times as I must, in order to have the knowledge and serenity to get through this day, this hour, and this moment.
I have 8 hours that belong to someone else. Lord, help me to stay focused, productive, calm and serene as I give my best during this time.