I just have to say that I’m not ready or willing to face another crisis. Too bad, because another one just crashed into me. My “father in law” was taken to the hospital by ambulance and they think he has blood on the brain. He’s had a C.A.T. scan and is now being transferred to a hospital in walking distance of where we live. My fiancee is supposed to start a refresher training course for a job he’s supposed to attend orientation for a week from tomorrow in another state. He’s been out of work since the end of last April and our family has gone through the wringer on so many levels.
Last week I had an emotionally devastating thing happen to me regarding my adult son, that I’m still kind of recovering from. That relationship is a series of emotionally devastating events lately. As is the one between me and my adult daughter as well as the one between me and my significant other of almost 17 years. It all happened at the valley of my depression cycle and the peak of my hormonal one. So, it was a pretty difficult week all the way around. Thankfully, I had some resources and tools to help me manage to maneuver through it relatively unscathed and without leaving marks on others.
Today, the sermon was about God’s provision in times of trouble: comfort for those who mourn, perspective that trouble happens and good happens to all, illumination enough to see to take the next step, and strength to get through it all. Last Thursday a wise elder in my world coined the term of Omnibeneficient to describe God’s benevolence that He is good all the time and all His gifts and provisions are good all the time. These truths about God are difficult to see and believe during these kinds of events and circumstances. However, the timing of hearing them couldn’t have been more fortuitous.
One statement made during the teaching today was that focusing on the circumstances and the feelings generated by them is guaranteed to lead to discouragement and hopelessness. So, I’m going to stop focusing on how bad this all looks and feels and just trust that the next step in front of me is being taken care of and that I/we are being lifted up, encouraged, and given the strength we need to get through this too. Kind of like deciding to act as if…motion driving emotion.
God, help me to trust You in this time of trouble.