A letter to my qualifier

Dear one whom I love,

I’m writing this because I have decided it does no good to argue these points with you and escalate both of our emotions, yet I still need to deal with my feelings at this moment.  Perhaps we’ll have an opportunity to revisit this later, and if so, then I will have this as a tool to help me stay focused on the problem and my own side of the issue.  So, here we go.

There is a saying that poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.  This is what took place today.  I’m sorry that you are emotionally distressed – angry that you didn’t get to do what you wanted according to your timing today.  However, despite the things that happened to affect my schedule, which impacted you today, I feel the need to remind you of a few facts.

1) The issue that you planned to do today is one that you have known you needed to take care of for the past four months.  As a matter of fact there have been numerous occasions in those months when you had the time, money, and no conflict of responsibilities preventing you from doing it.

2) The recent changes in circumstances which caused this issue to become more immediate and urgent, took place two or three weeks ago – again, during which time there were many opportunities to take care of it.

3) I made necessary arrangements last night to ensure that you would have the opportunity today to deal with it, and you, my dear, were the one who advised me before leaving this morning that you were changing the logistics of the plan and not to be concerned with the rearranging of plans.

4) The adjustments and arrangements I made last night were done outside of the approved procedures for adjusting work hours within my company.  I have a new boss who was coming to the office and she was not part of the arrangements I made.  Therefore, when her schedule collided with and disrupted my schedule, it was something outside of my control.

When you sent me messages telling me how upset/angry you are because I was in a situation outside of my control, I felt:

  • angry
  • resentful
  • bitter
  • sick to my stomach
  • attacked

Therefore, based on all of these facts and considerations, for you to be angry with me because your plans got disrupted, is not acceptable.  If you should be angry at anyone, it should be yourself for not dealing with the situation sooner.  However, since I realize that you are incapable of thinking rationally while you are in this emotional state of mind, I am going to let it go for now and give it to God because I am powerless to appease, manage, control, or change how you are dealing with this.

**Dear God, I have a resentment towards a person that I want to be free of. So, I am asking you to give this person everything I want for myself. Help me to feel compassionate understanding and love for this person. I pray that they will receive everything they need. Thank you God for your help and strength with this resentment.  (BB, Freedom from Bondage:  552)


  1. Hang in there. There is nothing you can do to bring someone else to owning their own responsibilities. Hang in there, detach, love yourself…Joanne


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