A short check in

I’m currently in a bit of a limbo land in terms of my recovery process.  Fighting the downward draw of depression and falling back into repression of emotion and experiencing apathy and inertia.  I’ve been reading through information on attachment disorders and reading the various stories of those who are in recovery from substance addiction/abuse.  Struggling with the thought that I can’t seem to continually put one foot in front of the other and corral the thoughts that keep me stuck in this cycle of enabling, resentment, bitterness, sorrow, and depression.  Dealing with family conflict and transitioning relationships and my own sense of failure and guilt, has been occupying my emotions and thoughts.

Anyway, this isn’t me giving up.  It’s just me being honest about where I’m at right now.  Since, starting this recovery restart, I hadn’t missed more than one day of journalling here and have gained much encouragement and support just from knowing there are a few of you out there reading and encouraging, perhaps praying or being encouraged in your own processes.  So, having missed the last three or four days of writing, has made me realize that, even if I don’t have a moment of success, encouragement, or hope to share, I still have my experience and must not allow the inertia to continue.

 

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2 comments

    1. I don’t have a sponsor yet. Since my “recovery” issues are not substance related (food, love/relationship/codependence), it’s difficult to find face to face meetings in my area and create connections. I also realize that because there is likely attachment disorder, ptsd, as well as dysthemic depression, medical/therapeutic treatment should be included, but I don’t have insurance. So, it’s me and God and I’m having difficulty with that relationship as well.

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