It has been a very full day, emotionally and psychologically speaking. Actually, I guess the past couple of days have been that way for me. Wrestling and coming to terms with the knowledge that sex/love addiction has been at the root and foundation of the majority of the relationships in my life, as a child and as an adult. Figuring out that the emotional disconnect between me, myself & I as well as between us and all others is part of the sla known as Emotional Anorexia, all while navigating the minefield of personal relationships with my adult children and the father of my toddler, has got me very wound up and wiped out.
So, I guess it’s back to Step 1 for me – admitting powerlessness over:
my life is unmanageable.
I’m so very grateful that I am integrating with Step 2 on a regular basis, because I am believing more and more that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.
Now, to implement Step 3 and follow through on making the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him. Lord help me to do this.
Currently, I’m going through this process without a sponsor or active recovery partners. However, through online meetings and resources I’m starting to reach out and connect with others in the recovery journey. Through this blog, I’ve been connecting to others as well, and getting to see that recovery is not only possible, but attainable. Through it all I’m learning that what I have been told is true – I am not abandoned, forsaken, or condemned (these lies I’ve believed as truth), I am loved.