Powerless over … food?

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable

Proverbs 26:11-12
26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
26:12 Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him.

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Matthew 11:28-30
11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

John 1:12-13
1:12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
1:13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

How is it possible that food is an addiction?  How is it possible that I am a food addict?  It’s kind of crazy, right?

I mean, I have watched alcohol and cigarettes kill one family member and marijuana and other illegal substances destroy the lives of various family members, friends and acquaintances.  I’ve heard and seen stories about sex, gambling, hoarding and other obsessive compulsive diseases.  I’ve been codependent my entire adult life and in a severely codependent relationship for almost 17 years.  I understand or at least accept that these are “real” addictions and “real” diseases.” But food? Come on!

I can’t be addicted to food.  I know that I have a lifetime of using food to distract myself from my emotions, but that just means food is the symptom and not the disease, right?

I have hidden, lied about, and stolen food – well that’s just because I don’t want to hear what the opinions and attitudes of others when I eat and I don’t want to see the look of judgment in their eyes.  Ok, but why? Oh, because I’m feeling ashamed and guilty and know I shouldn’t be eating whatever it is in whatever quantities at the time I’m eating because I’m not eating out of true hunger, but for some other reason and the food is calling to me.  I don’t HAVE to eat when I’m not hungry, I’m just eating because I don’t want to be rude and refuse someone who’s offering, even though I just ate a little while ago.  I’m just eating because I haven’t had that one dish in such a long time, a taste won’t matter…then I have two or three servings because it tastes sooo good, but now I’m uncomfortably stuffed.  Oh, I don’t want anything, really, but that looks good, how does it taste, do you mind if I try it?  All of that sounds suspiciously like the actions, rationalizations, excuses and motivations of an addict.

I had a really good week last week with my recovery journey…at least in terms of my psychological and emotional recovery.  However, each day my eating was getting more and more out of control.  I have been telling myself that food is the symptom.  If that’s the case, why then did my eating reach the point where I made a deliberate and conscious choice to over eat beyond the point of discomfort last night and to the point that I’m in physical discomfort this morning?  Hmmm, maybe because food is as much part of my disease as the emotional and psychological aspects of the disease?

Hi, I’m a food addict.  I am powerless over food.  My life is unmanageable.  I believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity and today I choose to turn my food and eating, as well as my thoughts and emotions over to the care of God as I understand Him.  Lord, help me.

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